Dear Buffalo-ians,
Yesterday, your Buffalo Bills helped our Pittsburgh Steelers get into the NFL Playoffs. We are not sure how long we will STAY in the playoffs, but, we are there. That helps to eliminate so much controversy on extremely important topics for sports talk radio phone-in experts, i.e “Should Coach Tomlin be fired?” or “Coach Tomlin can only win with Bill Cowher’s players.” or “Gawd I hope they don’t wear those throw-back Bumble Bee shirts again, cuz they’re bad luck and I hate them!”
So, in order to honor your assistance, we promise that:
We will order dozens and dozens of wings for every playoff party. We realize that you don’t actually call them BUFFALO wings because they are just WINGS to Buffalo-ians, but in your honor, we will yell “Buffffffaaaaallllo Wings!” every time we approach the foil tin or crock pot of them on the playoff-party or tailgate buffet table.
Some of us are known to wear our dry-cleaned, medium-starched, ex-Steelers player jerseys to church on football Sundays. We would be happy to put a sticker of a saucy chicken wing on those shirts. We can’t actually use a Bills sticker because that would be sacrilegious and unlawful so a wing sticker seems appropriate. We would offer to put real sauce stains on our shirts but.. they would mean extra money at the dry cleaner and, quite frankly, we’d let a saucy wing hit a white couch or carpet before we let it hit our favorite Bradshaw or Lambert shirt!
We promise to put a moratorium on all “how about all that snow” and “summer is from July 1st to July 31st in Buffalo” jokes… for at least a year but we hold out an option to continue them at the start of the 2016 NFL Playoffs if we happen to play you.
We will round up all of the salmon-colored pants and shorts in the Pittsburgh area and ship them to you. (wait…never mind…we’ll just round up all of our salmon-colored pants AND YOURS and burn those sunza-bitches at our playoff tailgate parties).
Lastly…we will call Buffalo-ians, Jagoffs. But let me explain first!
The word Jagoff can be used in a few different ways:
- Expressing appreciation to someone, with a smile on your face and a hug, you say, “Ya Jagoff!”
- Expressing being startled, half chuckling you say, “You scared the HECK outta me, Ya Jagoff!”
- And then there’s the version, that’s posted on our blog every day… venting about someone that has been a jerk, with a scowl on your face, “Learn to use a turn signal, Ya Jagoff!”
So referencing definition #1 above, thanks for beating the Jets, Ya Jagoffs!
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Thanks to Anna Mac of Mary Mac’s Bakehouse for the sign artwork!
