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Grocery Store Jagoffs

Mastery-Level Grocery Store Jagoffery

I have in my hand, one Mega Ball (or whatever you call it) lottery ticket.  I decide that I’m having a chocolate craving.  So I run around the grocery store end cap, grab a Peppermint Patty (because it’s breath-mint properties are worth the calories vs a Kit-Kat), and head to the self-checkout line. The line that has a big, bold sign, “15 Items or Less” and usually can zip right through with one candy bar.  But NOPE!

One register tied up with 3 people trying to figure out how to scan their bread.

The other?  This guy!

You can see from my use of the Jagoffestrator that this guy, is not only in violation of the 15-item rule (which is such and age-old compliant) but he’s shattering the #$@#! record!!! He has sooooooo many groceries that they can’t all fit on the scale where the bags are, so he has to keep moving bags to the floor, which then causes the register computer-voice to scold him about “placing the item in the bagging area.”  So he has to keep moving his frozen pizzas and stuff around and re-scanning.

On top of that, the register assistance light is flashing like a jackpot casino light on a 1,000,0000 to 1 payoff on a penny machine! But the guy keeps scanning and moving bags without regard to anyone else. Kind of like a teenager with a smartphone in the middle of a pack of senior citizens… but only even more ambivalent and irritating.

Dude… seriously? I had so much time to broil about this that I was able to put a mathematical calculation to it:

(15 item limit X 6) + 27 random re-scans – 1 Permit Patty melting in my hand for 10 minutes X 5 people in line behind me = Jagoff raised to the power of 6.

My guess is your next move was to head to the lottery line and rattle off 18 sets of numbers based on your dreams last night!  Well, have fun with that, because I already beat ya to THAT line, YaJagoff!

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