Parking Lot Jagoffs

New England Peter Parker


It’s been a while since we posted one of these (a #PeterParker) on the blog and, this one is good because.. it’s a burgh person embedded in New England.  Boy, that has to be about as uncomfortable as 4 hemorrhoids after a day full of eating jalapenos. But, our Jagoff Catcher stands tall.

Here’s the message that came with the pic:

I was pulling into the parking lot of my local Stop & Shop (the grocery store chain out in CT), and I happened to notice what appeared to be an empty space next to the cart return thingie. I pull around, and lo and behold, some Jagoff in an SUV has taken up two whole spaces by parking on the space divider between them. I called him a Jagoff (out loud but in my car), and took a picture. Just wanted to let you know that Jagoffery is alive and well in New England!

Well… indeed it is and we are proud to have you on the SJU – NE (Special Jagoff Unit New England) squad! Maybe in New England we should refer to Jagoffs as “Bradies.”

Nice park job ya stuck-up-I-backed-up-so-I-can-dart-out-if-there-is-a-Kohls-Cash-Emergency-Response-but-despite-the-fact-that-I-can-back-up-with-both-mirrors-I-have-zero-idea-what-these-doggone-white-lines-or-for BRADY!


Thanks much to Serina Q. from New England for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher!

A #PeterParkers Mirror (Almost)



First, if you’re knew to here and need a definition for #PeterParkers, go HERE.

But this was cool because, one of these pics came from Twitter and one came from Facebook and they came from two completely different people. (Trust us!)

Now, barring that anything bad happened to the driver here, this may go into our #PeterParkers Hall of InFamous.  As you can see, we have deployed our Jagoff-estrator to point out the driving lane.

Possible excuses:

1) Ran out of gas.. but did so in a very perpendicularly (made up that word) manner but came in about 2 ounces of getting that thing to coast 6 more feet into a spot.

2) There was a lot of snow on the ground when they parked (which makes no sense unless they were the very first vehicle to park and then everyone else chose to park like a Jag

3) This person dropped his wife off at Trader Joe’s, sneaked over to the McDonald’s, wolfed down a couple of Big Macs and then went to meet  his wife in the Trader Joe’s who was in there buying things for the Kale smoothies that she thinks he likes but, for the life of her cannot figure out why he’s not losing wait.

4) This person has never experienced the senior-citizen-car-torpedo-maneuver as they randomly wonder up the down aisle or down the up aisle.

5) This person is VERY experienced the senior-citizen-car-torpedo-maneuver and is hoping to get a new car out of the deal.

6) This person is trying to get an early spot for the car cruise in May and make sure that they have enough spots for their lawn chairs and cooler.

Well, for the sake of today’s blog, let’s be presumptions and accusative (because that’s kind of what happens here on a daily basis.)

Listen you pull-in-without-regard-to-time-place-or-dimension-spatially-awareness-challenged-Peter-parker-perpetrator, I realize it may take you an extra 1.585782251 minutes to park BETWEEN THE LINES like the REST OF US  (who also have important things to do) but, how about pullin’ that hobby-supply-rig into those white lines so that the rest of us can drive freely to meet OUR kale-buying spouses after sucking down MickyD’s,  YA JAGOFF!


Lines? What Lines?

We had a completely different post set for today.  But, out of no where came an email.  And it contained, not just photo of a bad parking job, but a photo of  bad parking job CALLED OUT by one of our printable notes!!! (We’re soooo excited!!)  This horrendous parking job was found at the Cinemark parking lot out near Robinson Township, PA.

But wait!!!  Remember, we try to be about looking for solutions vs. placing blame.  You see, if we wanted to, we would actually place blame on the incompetency of the line painters for putting the lines in the wrong place and then congratulate the driver of the car for proving the point and making the line painters look bad!!

So as not to place blame on the driver without getting the real story, we sent our “Hard-Hitting” Jagoff Investigative Reporter team out to look at this.  And after they were done eating at the Settler’s Ridge Market Place and getting cheap boxes of candy cigarettes and Boston Baked Beans and purchasing nostalgic t-shirts at Five Below, our investigators found out this poor driver has a major vision problem.

You see, this driver, pulled into this space and, on the way to the movies.  As they were entering the theater lobby, they walked right into the post between the two entry doors.  Then, when standing in line to purchase their tickets, was found straddling the “form line here” rope, and when they went to get a fountain drink, ended up with a mix of Pepsi and Raspberry Iced Tea and a very wet hand because they couldn’t get the cup directly under one of the spouts and, finally, when they ultimately got into the theater, they ended up complaining to the Cinemark Manager about how sore the theater seats made the crack of their butt… only to realize they had actually watched the entire movie while unknowingly sitting on an ARMREST vs. an actual chair!!

So Cinemarker-Peter-Parker, we might actually hold a fundraiser to get you some cool frames at Pittsburgh’s best Eyetique!!

But until then, please only visit car washes that have that pulling-thingy to pull your car straight in.  And, when in a lot like this, don’t even try to back-up, pull-forward, turn, back-up, turn the wheel, then pull forward between the lines (otherwise known as PARKING) cuz, all that silly backing-up/pulling-up stuff is a total waste of gasoline at $3.89 per gallon, Ya Jagoff!



Get your own printable Peter Parker notes to leave on these cars. 

Click the pic below to download.