Parking Lot Jagoffs

Lines? What Lines?

We had a completely different post set for today.  But, out of no where came an email.  And it contained, not just photo of a bad parking job, but a photo of  bad parking job CALLED OUT by one of our printable notes!!! (We’re soooo excited!!)  This horrendous parking job was found at the Cinemark parking lot out near Robinson Township, PA.

But wait!!!  Remember, we try to be about looking for solutions vs. placing blame.  You see, if we wanted to, we would actually place blame on the incompetency of the line painters for putting the lines in the wrong place and then congratulate the driver of the car for proving the point and making the line painters look bad!!

So as not to place blame on the driver without getting the real story, we sent our “Hard-Hitting” Jagoff Investigative Reporter team out to look at this.  And after they were done eating at the Settler’s Ridge Market Place and getting cheap boxes of candy cigarettes and Boston Baked Beans and purchasing nostalgic t-shirts at Five Below, our investigators found out this poor driver has a major vision problem.

You see, this driver, pulled into this space and, on the way to the movies.  As they were entering the theater lobby, they walked right into the post between the two entry doors.  Then, when standing in line to purchase their tickets, was found straddling the “form line here” rope, and when they went to get a fountain drink, ended up with a mix of Pepsi and Raspberry Iced Tea and a very wet hand because they couldn’t get the cup directly under one of the spouts and, finally, when they ultimately got into the theater, they ended up complaining to the Cinemark Manager about how sore the theater seats made the crack of their butt… only to realize they had actually watched the entire movie while unknowingly sitting on an ARMREST vs. an actual chair!!

So Cinemarker-Peter-Parker, we might actually hold a fundraiser to get you some cool frames at Pittsburgh’s best Eyetique!!

But until then, please only visit car washes that have that pulling-thingy to pull your car straight in.  And, when in a lot like this, don’t even try to back-up, pull-forward, turn, back-up, turn the wheel, then pull forward between the lines (otherwise known as PARKING) cuz, all that silly backing-up/pulling-up stuff is a total waste of gasoline at $3.89 per gallon, Ya Jagoff!



Get your own printable Peter Parker notes to leave on these cars. 

Click the pic below to download.


It’s a Peter Parker Catcher Friday



It’s kind of like a parking wedgie!!!

For those times when you WISH you could…. this Jagoff Catcher one-ups the Jagoff #PeterParker from the yellow car.

Here’s to hoping that the driver of the Mercedes parked their car, purchased some movie popcorn with some extra butter, a super large pop tankard and some Junior Mints.  Then after that, hoping that they sat and relaxed on a bench across the street, in a Hannibal Lecter maniacal kind of way, and, when the yellow car driver came back to their vehicle, the Mercedes drivers used their thumb and pointing fingers, IN A PINCHING configuration, to fantasize about squishing your head over and over from many angles like we were in 4th grade.

Hey driver of the  I-bought-this-car-car-to-make-up-for-my-small-physical-characteristics car, next  time you’re trying to park, call ahead, we’ll put up the bumper railings like they do on kids bowling alleys, Ya Jagoff!

A New Twist To a “Peter Parker”


It’s been a while since we’ve posted a unique “Peter Parker.”  Don’t know what we mean by “Peter Parker”, go here.

This pic was taken on Smallman Street in the Strip District and, it may not be what you think it is.  We sent out our SJU (Special Jagoff Unit) investigators to look into this.  They seemed to indicate that, in the words of Curly from the Three Stooges, this driver is a “victim of soy-cim-stances.

And while this story seems to be far fetched, here’s what REALLY happened.  This very responsible utility truck parked in the Strip District.  And, like seems to happen all too frequently these days, landscapers came and installed a curb, mulch and a Guest Parking sign, right underneath the truck while it was innocently sitting there.  And to top it all, they didn’t even install all of that straight, so it looks like the driver of the truck didn’t know how to park.

And if, they scratched the truck by installing the signage too close to the truck, there will be hell to pay, I assure you.

By the way, utility truck driver, you should probably work on getting a few more jobs. Nobody in construction, that is actually working, has that clean of a truck.  Are you just carrying rows of tubes and utility boxes on a vehicle to look , cool!

And to the ig’nernt people that sneaked in and installed the random landscaping under this truck to make the driver look bad, please come to my house.  I don’t care if you install things crooked or not.

In the meantime, hey Pittsburgh…… can we pallllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze learn how to park or, at the very least, park so we’re not ruining someone else’s stuff?  For some reason, you can jam a Winnebago into space too small for a min-cooper at a Steelers parking lot tail gate but, the local store or hotel parking lot, we get more outta control than a drunk Jeff Reed fist.  Learn how to park Ya Jagoffs!

Thanks to @PapaSendro412 for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today.

Download your own copies of our Jagoff Parking notes here.