Parking Jagoffs

New England Peter Parker

YJ-PeterParker_Brady

It’s been a while since we posted one of these (a #PeterParker) on the blog and, this one is good because.. it’s a burgh person embedded in New England.  Boy, that has to be about as uncomfortable as 4 hemorrhoids after a day full of eating jalapenos. But, our Jagoff Catcher stands tall.

Here’s the message that came with the pic:

I was pulling into the parking lot of my local Stop & Shop (the grocery store chain out in CT), and I happened to notice what appeared to be an empty space next to the cart return thingie. I pull around, and lo and behold, some Jagoff in an SUV has taken up two whole spaces by parking on the space divider between them. I called him a Jagoff (out loud but in my car), and took a picture. Just wanted to let you know that Jagoffery is alive and well in New England!

Well… indeed it is and we are proud to have you on the SJU – NE (Special Jagoff Unit New England) squad! Maybe in New England we should refer to Jagoffs as “Bradies.”

Nice park job ya stuck-up-I-backed-up-so-I-can-dart-out-if-there-is-a-Kohls-Cash-Emergency-Response-but-despite-the-fact-that-I-can-back-up-with-both-mirrors-I-have-zero-idea-what-these-doggone-white-lines-or-for BRADY!

 

Thanks much to Serina Q. from New England for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher!

A #PeterParkers Mirror (Almost)

YJ-PeterParker_Mirror

 

First, if you’re knew to here and need a definition for #PeterParkers, go HERE.

But this was cool because, one of these pics came from Twitter and one came from Facebook and they came from two completely different people. (Trust us!)

Now, barring that anything bad happened to the driver here, this may go into our #PeterParkers Hall of InFamous.  As you can see, we have deployed our Jagoff-estrator to point out the driving lane.

Possible excuses:

1) Ran out of gas.. but did so in a very perpendicularly (made up that word) manner but came in about 2 ounces of getting that thing to coast 6 more feet into a spot.

2) There was a lot of snow on the ground when they parked (which makes no sense unless they were the very first vehicle to park and then everyone else chose to park like a Jag

3) This person dropped his wife off at Trader Joe’s, sneaked over to the McDonald’s, wolfed down a couple of Big Macs and then went to meet  his wife in the Trader Joe’s who was in there buying things for the Kale smoothies that she thinks he likes but, for the life of her cannot figure out why he’s not losing wait.

4) This person has never experienced the senior-citizen-car-torpedo-maneuver as they randomly wonder up the down aisle or down the up aisle.

5) This person is VERY experienced the senior-citizen-car-torpedo-maneuver and is hoping to get a new car out of the deal.

6) This person is trying to get an early spot for the car cruise in May and make sure that they have enough spots for their lawn chairs and cooler.

Well, for the sake of today’s blog, let’s be presumptions and accusative (because that’s kind of what happens here on a daily basis.)

Listen you pull-in-without-regard-to-time-place-or-dimension-spatially-awareness-challenged-Peter-parker-perpetrator, I realize it may take you an extra 1.585782251 minutes to park BETWEEN THE LINES like the REST OF US  (who also have important things to do) but, how about pullin’ that hobby-supply-rig into those white lines so that the rest of us can drive freely to meet OUR kale-buying spouses after sucking down MickyD’s,  YA JAGOFF!

 

It’s a Peter Parker Catcher Friday

YJ-Tim

 

It’s kind of like a parking wedgie!!!

For those times when you WISH you could…. this Jagoff Catcher one-ups the Jagoff #PeterParker from the yellow car.

Here’s to hoping that the driver of the Mercedes parked their car, purchased some movie popcorn with some extra butter, a super large pop tankard and some Junior Mints.  Then after that, hoping that they sat and relaxed on a bench across the street, in a Hannibal Lecter maniacal kind of way, and, when the yellow car driver came back to their vehicle, the Mercedes drivers used their thumb and pointing fingers, IN A PINCHING configuration, to fantasize about squishing your head over and over from many angles like we were in 4th grade.

Hey driver of the  I-bought-this-car-car-to-make-up-for-my-small-physical-characteristics car, next  time you’re trying to park, call ahead, we’ll put up the bumper railings like they do on kids bowling alleys, Ya Jagoff!