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Inanimate Jagoffs

Those Jagoff Produce/Bakery Plastic Bags

We have heard in the past about, “Some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets YOU!”  But it seems that every time, and I mean EVERY TIME, I try and bag some produce or try and be sneaky about grabbing a bagel out of those bakery bins WITHOUT using those plastic tongs, I get hung up by these stupid plastic bags.

Are they really sealed on both ends?

Honestly, can anyone actually ever find the opening on one try despite the fact that it’s hung on those racks with, what is supposed to be, the open side UP?

No matter what ya do, you cannot find the bag opening squish the bag top between your fingers and do the swirl move… spit on your fingers and repeat the swirl move with the bag between your thumb and fingers… or run over to the glue aisle, grab a tube of that Super Glue, put it on your finger tips and then allow the two sides of the plastic bag to stick to your finger tips and, therefore, open the stupid plastic bag as your pull your fingers apart (if you haven’t glued your fingers together accidentally)?

Ya know… when complaining.. many people say something like, “We can send a man to the moon so why can’t we….

In this instance we’re saying, “Why do these plastic bags have to be sealed like a hatch on the space shuttle?”  Especially while your hands are full of, recently misted, broccoli!

The bags probably wouldn’t be so hard to open if they didn’t try to SQUEEEEEEZE 10,011 of the bags into a package the size of a Lance Peanut Butter/Cheese Cracker package!

To all you grocery store managers… you have printing ALL OVER that bag.  Is it too hard to put an arrow that points to the top of the bag where the opening is?  And then……………………….well…………………… it too hard to put a little finger and thumb “traction” sticky thingy on the top of the bags so that I don’t have to lick my fingers like a grandma to get the stupid thing open, Ya Jagoffs??????