This post is a FIRST!!! We have NEVER had a Jagoff turn themselves in… let alone an entire GROUP looking for a public mea culpa!
Not 100% sure but this submission, coming in during Lent, sure sounds like Catholic guilt… kinda like the guilt I used to feel when Sister Mary Mengele used to just stare at me in 8th grade until I admitted to every sin I had committed since the FIRST grade then rolled up in the corner crying and sucking my thumb with pee pants from fear!!!
Here’s the email that came with the above photo:
A bunch of Millvale Jagoffs showed up at the Millvale Wine Festival AND DIDN’T BOTHER TO BRING A CORKSCREW!!
Not necessarily a complete tragedy BUT it makes the whole group look pretty stupid when everyone at the Millvale Wine Festival is walking around sipping wines while this entire group is standing around holding their un-open bottles… like the kid who forgot his school lunch while every other kid is sucking down PB&J sandwiches and Little Debbie snacks!
And just like the kid in school who waived his sandwich under your nose saying,”You getting hungry yet?” we can see the rest of the Millvalians walking around the festival, “Oh Buffy, look at those sad folks over there holding their bottles. My GAWD, must be those LOWER-MIVALLIANS who are used to drinking wine from a screw-top bottle or, even worse, A BOX!!!”
Have ya ever had that sick feeling of getting 3-blocks away from home and realizing that you left the Pens, Pirates or Steelers tickets sitting on the kitchen table and you have to turn the car around to go back for the tickets? Well, these people DIDN’T get that feeling about a cork screw.. not one outta six of them got that sick feeling!!
Hey Sandy, Claudia, Tricia, Joy and John, we hope that this post helps you all to move on with your lives and stop whatever self-imposed Grade-School-Nun-like punishments you have inflicted upon yourselves since the Millvale Wine Festival! And, by the way, Millvale Wine Festival??? Do the people in Fox Chapel and O’Hara Township know the proletariats of Millvale do this kind of thing and have they authorized this activity??
We suggest staying away from the “Wine Festival.” It’s clearly too complicated for all of you.
Whaddaya say we just stick to the SIMPLE activities in Millvale… like munching down a brown bag lunch, along with some Yetter’s Candy, guzzling a case of Iron Cit Beer and inhaling boat motor fumes while watching boats go in and out of the Millvale Marina!
As a note, get the Iron City CANS…that way nobody is responsible for a beer tap or bottle opener, Ya Jagoffs!!
Click the pic to see how to order your own hoodie!!!
