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Criminal Jagoffs

Pants on Backwards and Eating Dead Flowers – Sound Good?

Remember “Backwards Day” at elementary school? Everything was backward.. ESPECIALLY your clothes! Well, me thinks that good ol’ Troy Allen Loughner of Westmoreland County was reliving a childhood special moment.


  • He showed up on a neighbor’s porch with his pants on backward (with a belt on correctly)
  • He was eating the neighbor’s dead plants and flowers.. AND the dirt
  • He was, allegedly, intoxicated by SOME method this the one outta the 3 bullet points that surprised ya the most? 🙂
  • Oh yeah.. he also allegedly tried to steel a fan from the porch

See full video report by Ross Guidotti on

NOTE: KDKA video report is worth watching.. the owner of the porch AND the editing provides fantastic entertainment value.

Troy Boy.. what in theeeee world are you doing eating dead plants?  Did that plants and dirt taste just like Kale Chips that everyone lies about being good?  I wouldn’t know! I have never eaten Kale Chips OR dead plants mixed with dirt.

We DO applaud you for, despite having your drawers on backward, that you somehow negotiated getting a belt on!  At least ya had the decency to not show anyone your stanky skivvies!

Here are a coupla tips to be a better burglar OR neighbor:

To be a better burglar:

  • Don’t do these things during the day. Especially in your own neighborhood where peeps know ya
  • Don’t where distinctive clothing that makes it easy for the victims to identify ya , i.e. put your @#! pants on right! Can you imagine if you would have had to run from the po-po?
  • Don’t get intoxicated before burglarizing. Have ya ever seen a Navy Seal drunk on a critical mission? Nope Troy Boy NOPE! Ya need all of your faculties (like putting your pants on correctly)
  • Don’t eat on the job! Eat leaves DNA behind. Ya look like a rookie and ya make a bad name for other, more respectable burglars. But, we like your Bare Grills mentality just in case you had to run from the police and hide in the woods for a few days.

To be a better neighbor: (this one’s an easy one)

Don’t steal from anyone.. but especially your neighbors and especially-especially from the neighbors that know your face… Ya Jagoff!