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Criminal Jagoffs

Ohhhhhh, THIS is Uncomfortable


In basketball terms, this is called an “alleyoop.”  Someone tosses the ball up at the basketball rim and you jump up and SLAM that MUTHA home!

Click  here (WPXI) if you want the full story, including WPXI’s Cara Sapida awesomely delivering the line, “…is not getting the boyfriend of the year award..” Haaaaa..I just KNEW it was going to be good hearing that.

There was huuuuuuge excitement In the Jagoff News room at that point.  I literally stood up and yelled over to the JBND (Jagoff Breaking News Desk), “Listen up.  This is what we live for!”

Here is a summary of the Joshua Tale:

This guy Joshua and his girlfriend ALLEGEDLY stole DVDs from the Bridgeville Right Aid.

Working as a team, they have done this more than once ALLEGEDLY.

Upon escaping this time, Josh decides to leave his Honey-Bunny behind and take off in the get-away car his Honey-Bunny was supposed to be driving.

She now has no ride and thus sings BETTER than a canary.. more like Jeff Jimmerson at a Penguins game in front of 400,000 fans.  (Including where exactly to find Josh.)

This is no longer a Who-Dunnit!

In war there is no substitute for victory said Douglas MacArthur.  And in OUR war on people trying to make the rest of us Pittsburghers look bad, there is no substitute for STOOOOOOOOOOOPIDITY!!!

Josh, buddy… what were you thinking???  You ticked off your girlfriend big guy…like  left her served up on a platter to the police.

Wow… there’s literally nothing in the “Guy Manual” for handling this one.  You’re own your own!  Have never heard of the ol’ “Hell hath no scorn like a woman-ALLEGELDY-left-holding-a-bag-of-stolen-DVDs-who-was-left-behind-at-a-crime-scene-by-her-man?”

Good luck Josh-mosh… ya know, your future would have been a whole lot safer if you would have left your photo I.D. at the crime scene with a note that you were the one who killed Jimmy Hoffa and left an open box of doughnuts and a note taunting the incoming police, Ya Jagoff!


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