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The Invisible Pee-ing Monster


We’ve all seen it.  There’s pee on the house toilet but nobody admits to it knowing how it got there.  Sometimes the pee trickles down the side of the toilet and, after a day or two, bonds with the floor dust to create a nice patch of yellowish fuzz near the bolts that hold the toilet to the floor but, nobody admits to putting it there.

Are ya gaggin yet?  (Know that I gagged writing this.)

Somehow this odd phenomenon occurs but, the phenomenon of someone in your house taking responsibility  and cleaning up after themselves seems to be missing.  Which, by the way “missing” seems to be the overall issue here doesn’t it?

Now, if there’s a grandpap in your house, the picture above may acceptable and all bets are off.

I don’t know about YOUR grandfather but, when my grandfather was in a bathroom, you didn’t go near it for hours after he had been in there.  Ya knew what he was going to do in the bathroom as he alternated farting and moaning on each step all the way up the stairs to the bathroom or, even worse, down the steps to the cellar bathroom!!!!

The noises that came out of the bathroom while my grandpap was in there rivaled the grunts and groans heard in a Venus and Serena Williams tennis match.  And the smell was usually worse than the imagined stench of a clogged outhouse on a 20 year-old shrimp boat!

But back to the situation at hand.  Consider this an open letter to whomever in my house is having a tough time with aim.  Currently, it looks like someone is doing the Hokey Pokey while they’re peeing because of  all the pee trickles all over the floor, wall and toilet.

So secret toilet pee monster, paleeeeeeze use a few squares of toilet paper and clean up after yourself or I will start praying that your cell phone drops in the toilet while you’re simultaneously trying to text and pee ya secret toilet monster Jagoffs!