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Grocery Store Jagoff


Prantl’s have certainly mastered the Almond Torte, and The Priory Fine Pastries have pretty to see and yummy to devour cupcakes. I have drooled.  I have craved.  I have even created fake celebrations to warrant purchasing these sweets just because.  I mean who can resist? Then the damn grocery stores seem to be expanding and enhancing their bakeries. I mean you even smell the deliciousness like you do at your fave bakery. 

Now we play ‘Never have I ever.’  There is without a doubt never a time that the drool created a puddle or the cravings were so hard to resist that I have stolen or assaulted a bakery clerk.  Apparently, it happens. As in someone punched a clerk AND did not stop there, she pulled her outside…by her hair!  See full news story on KDKA-TV News.

Hmmmmmm, I have had my coffee creamer discontinued, my favorite crackers on a shortage, and even seen the best sausage type rolls be sold out after being opened for less than two hours.  Guess what?  I kept my cool.  Sure, I mumbled profanity and most likely texted my annoyance to my co-worker. But my day went on and the sun still shined.  

Circling back, what did I not do? Punch the clerk in the face…oh and I did not walk out with clumps of hair between my fingers. Listen, the YaJagoff folks do not judge.  We turn lemons into lemonade.  So, if there is a reason to get upset about cakes and cupcakes at the grocery store, by all means take deep breaths.  Walk away from the cakes.  

In fact, try speed walking aisle 11, which is usually toothpaste and cotton balls—nothing to upset the customer.  Better yet, slam that cart into the cart return when no one is looking.  It makes a noise and you get that whole push feel. No harm no foul. But, please for the love of all that is good, refrain from harming the clerk.  You do NOT need your face at the checkout since you are now known as the baked good bandit, Ya Jagoff! 

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