We did NOT order the “Don’t Kiss Me Since I’m Irish, Ya Jagoff” shirts, damn. We will be anxious to learn if the “Blow me a kiss by keeping social distance since I’m Irish” shirts take off.
Nonetheless, with so many changes and rules in place, specifically for this weekend, we wanted to offer a jagoffs guide to surviving “The St. Patty’s Day Parade Is Not Happening” Best Practices Weekend. Consider it the Yinzers top 5 Best Practices Part Deux.
- WaerinO’ the Green: Still wear your St. Pattty’s garb with boas and shamrock glasses. But take selfies while marching in your living room. Make sure the Bastard Bearded Irishmen are playing.
- Order Shamrock Shakes: The key word is order. The drive through may be packed with Subarus, get behind them this time and order your shake. It’s tradition.
- Irish Car Bombs are STILL a Must WITH CAUTION: Do not double up on Jameson or Guinness;extra Bailey’s is fine. Oh, reason? It will make you sicker when you are hung over and you shouldn’t head to Pamela’s the next day to absorb the alcohol and over eat because if everyone is drinking too many car bombs, there could be over 250 people trying to get in and order the Big Lincoln. That was a long one!
- It’s Lent, Still Eat Fish: Just order it! Thatis it. Call ahead to your fave fish fry, St. Mary Mother of Sorrow will be fine.
- Keep Tradition: Do you. Wash your hands. Keep a distance. Sing Danny Boy, recite the Irish Prayer, and don’t panic on St. Patty’s Day weekend, Ya Jagoff! (Thanks to Elista at Entercom for the idea)