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For the 1,827,021th time, The Airport Rules!


Yesterday, WTAE ran a report about the stuff that has been collected from travelers’ carry-on bags at the Pittsburgh Airport security check-point.

Above are some samples including some kind Cyril Wecht bone-cutting autopsy knife, credit card knives and skull-shaped brass knuckles.  The excuse most people give, according to the report by Bob Mayo is, “I forgot it was in there.”  How in theeeeeeee hell do you for get you have some kind Cyril Wecht bone-cutting autopsy knife in with your make-up or undies?

But then again, this leads to one of my biggest pet peeves of airport traveling.  People who know they are going to an airport where the security routine, which has been in place for greater than 10 years, requires you to remove your belt, everything out of our pockets aaaaaaaaaand, say it with me, YOUR SHOES!

AUTHOR’S NOTE:  Always glad when it is winter and most of the old people have socks on covering their frito-length and colored toenails and bunions.

Despite these rules being in place for more than 10 years, people still wear layers of clothing, fashion belts and bracelets and fashion shoes that have laces that tie almost up to their Adam’s Apple.  So they take 10 minutes to undress in line and, some, no matter how many times they are told “place laptop in a separate bin,” put their shoes on top of their computer in the scanning bin.

What part of knowing that you have to remove all of this stuff in front of a line of people and security agents did ya forget when you were taking your pre-travel fashion selfie in the full-lengthy “I love myself” mirror at home?

Perhaps we need to recommend standard issue traveling clothing…like prisons.  THAT would certainly speed up the security lines.  If you’re going someplace warm, you get gym shorts, t-shirt and sandals (the bunion. knuckle-toed and frit0-toenail people would be required to have their feet covered.)  If you’re going someplace cold, you get a standard issue Carhartt jackets.

Seriously what part of You-can’t-bring-knives-guns-or-other-weapons-or-things-LIKE-weapons-and-ya-have-to-strip-to-half-naked-so-don’t-wear-complicated-clothing-to-the-airport-security-line do you NOT understand?

Traveling tip: If ya wanna dress like a fashion plate, pack all of your bracelets, belts and snappy, impractical traveling clothes in your carry-on bag then go put it on in the restroom AFTER you go through security.  You know, like you did in high school when you would dress a certain way on a weekend night to get by your parents and  then AFTER you’re outta the house, you put on your “Hey look how HAWT I am please pick me up” clothing, Ya Jagoffs!