Vintage Jagoffs

Are Turn Signals REALLY Optional?

Ya know when you’re sitting at an intersection waiting to pull out and another driver comes down the street perpendicular to you towards the intersection (like he’s gonna cross in front of you), so you decide to NOT to pull out, and then that driver turns BEFORE they get to you!  Or, your driving behind someone yakin’ on their phone, they start to slow down, you have no idea why, they make a turn and THEN turn on their turn signal!

You may say, “Big Deal,” or “Lighten up Francis!” it’s only a turn signal!  Sure, this may seem petty but, not using a turn signal is more about laziness, selfishness and a lack of respect for others than anything else.  Not using a turn signal because you’re trying to make the turn without putting down your phone AND your Sweet Tea is, well… ya know!

To quote one of our Facebook AND Twitter Followers, Dr. Dave:

Hey Jagoff–my Great Carnack skills are a little slow today..signal B4 you turn!

Haaaa.. we like the use of the vernacular Dr. Dave!  But we think we found the problem, turns signals are failing because people are not replacing their TURN SIGNAL FLUID!!  They can’t afford it,  probably due to the economy, the war, the March hail storms and hurricanes, the recent G-20 Summit, the Batman Movie, the Tom Cruise movie activity AND gas prices!!!!

Here’s our recommendation to avoid the frustration with non-signalers:  make everyone’s license plate their TEXT MESSAGE ADDRESS!!! Then you can type, “Hey KRG-345, I think U R a little low on TURN SIGNAL FLUID, YA JAGOFF!!!”

 

We posted this note by Dr. Dave for two reasons:  It made sense AND it’s still Breast Cancer Awareness Month and he would like you all to go LIKE the Young Women’s Breast Cancer Awarness Foundation Facebook page!!!

 

Thanks to Dr. Dave for being our Jagoff Catcher of the day and for writing us instead of taking out the other drivers with a SHOVEL (see yesterday’s post.)

 

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Vintage Post – Ohio Drivers

 

1) NO!  The photo above is not DIGITALLY ENHANCED!  That is the sunshine making a brief appearance in Pittsburgh within the past week!!!!

2) YES!  This is an Ohio driver – driving in the left lane, for no apparent reason!!!

3) WHY is this categorized as a “Vintage Jagoff?”  Because everyone in Pennsylvania – especially Pittsburghers that make their annual pilgrimage to “Pittsburgh South” i.e, Myrtle Beach – know that there is an unexplained phenomenon of Ohio drivers that LOVE driving in the passing lane as carefree and casual as if they sauntering through Barefoot landing after eating a full plate of Umberto’s pasta.  FYI, even my Ohio friends agree and cannot explain this issue with their Buckeye Compatriots.

So, to Ohio drivers, here’s driving 101:

1)  The left lane of the road is the PASSING lane – used to drive in when you are trying to get around another driver.  After you pass that driver, you get back into the right lane.

2) The right lane is where you can casually drive while you talk on your phone, text, daydream, gaze around or dream up “silver lining thoughts” about the Cleveland Browns

(And here somes the biggest tip)

3) The gas pedal is the pedal on the right, YA JAGOFF!!!

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Vintage Post- Squirrel Hill Tunnel Drivers

When writers can’t come up with something new to write we RECYCLE something and call it “VINTAGE.”  So a “VINTAGE” posts mean I was struggling so I used and “oldie-but-goodie” Pittsburgh post.

The photo is the Squirrel Hill Tunnel and, if ya don’t ALREADY know, there’s a strange PHENOMENON about everyeone slowing down as they enter the tunnel which eventually causes HUGE traffic jams and STROKES in some drivers like me.

So there’s two lanes leading up to the tunnel, two lanes going THRU the tunnel and two lanes GOING OUT the other side of the tunnel – what the hell’s the prob?

Seems to me that INSIDE the tunnel is where you should get yer car up to 120-140 mph, WHATEVER IT CAN DO, cuz there CAN’T possibly be any cops on the side of the road to pull ya over, YA JAGOFFS!

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