Travel Jagoffs

“That Shoeless Guy” (or Girl) On The Airplane

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Seriously????  When did plane rides become so casual and all about “me.”  Do these people NOT get any “me” time at home?

What is it with people thinking it’s OK to get on a flight, that lasts and hour and forty-five minutes, and get comfy like their in their own living room….shoes off, socks off, blanket, neck-pillow thingy?

(By the way, those neck-pillow thingies look really silly on you when you keep them on walking to the airplane bathroom.  Ya look like you’re wearing a head-only life preserver in the event you get sucked into the blue water!)

But seriously, you can’t go two hours without kicking off your shoes?  Do ya have a Fireplace App on your phone that you can run and maybe some wood-burning-scented hand cream that you can bring out too??

I think I have to find another way to travel other than flying!!

But, then again, I would miss sitting in the middle seat of an airplane pinned between someone who feels that they are in their own living room and has to take off their shoes and someone who requested a window and has to get up an pee 3 time an hour!!

Keep your shoes on… you’re on an airplane not at home on your iced-tea-stained-potatochips-and-pretzels-and-poptart-crumb-between-the-cushions couch, Ya Jagoff!!

US Airways Jagoffs and Hawaii Video

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Soooooo spent a few days in Hawaii last week.  It was great timing since an early cold-weather-rain-kind-of-sleet-kind-of thing hit Pittsburgh while I was in 86 degree weather!  It was great!  I was given the opportunity to speak at the 2013 Hawaii Social Media Summit .. talking about the blog!

Everyone was fantastic.. the Aloha Spirit was everywhere… EXCEPT for at the US Airways check-in counter at 10pm on a Saturday night.

NOTE: The staff were doing their best.. the bad news is there was not enough of them!

I arrive at the airport around 8:30pm to check in for a 10:50 flight.

Lots of people in line.

4.. yes FOUR check-in kiosks.

Oh wait, did I say that there were 2 US Airways flights checking in at the same time?

There were 2 separate, full, 757 flights departing within 20 minutes of each other and all of us were in line together to use the FOUR kiosks and be assisted by the THREE staff members.

Did everyone know how to use the kiosks?  NO!

Did one of the kiosks break while approximately 700 passengers were trying to check in on the FOUR kiosks?  YEPPIR! (Noted by the Jagoff-estrator graphics in the pic above)

Did one of the 3 staff members have to divert her attention to the broken kiosk vs. assisting customers who didn’t know how to work the kiosks?  Yeppir.. (but tough call for her make under serious pressure)

It took almost an hour to get myself to a kiosk and there were still people behind me.

So, not only were customers distressed over having to stand in line for, what seemed to be, the same length of time as it takes to actually FLY to Phoenix… but some customers were distressed over how to use the check-in kiosk.   Keep in mind, these are the same people that struggle over scanning celery at the grocery store self check-out line and you think it’s OK to leave them alone while they try to type in their name, choose how many bags they’re carrying and make a choice on whether or not they want to buy more LEG ROOM???

Did you not expect all of us that night?  Was this some kind of random #HeyLetsAllSuddenlyFlyToPhoenixAtTenO’ClockTonight Tweetup or Orbitz flash mob??

And…you do know there are these thing-a-ma-jiggers called computers where you can look up these thingies called RESERVATIONS, right?  They actually tell you how many might be coming to the airport at a certain time!!  Crazy stuff, huh??

Hey US Airways, otherwise known as “Let’s Make As Many People As Miserable As We Can Airlines,” I’m actually shocked that you didn’t have your staff of 3 doing even MORE things…. like handing out those hugely profitable US Airways Credit Card Applications, riding unicycles or juggling 3 bowling balls while eating an apple because they didn’t have nearly enough to do while 700+ people were trying to get home, Ya Jagoffs!

Watch the video from the Summit after-party:

Grid Lock/Lane Crossing Jagoff

 

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The orange-barrel-season brings out some traffic jagoffery.

As an aside, this blog post is history in that its our first Jagoff post from a Vine!!  Click here to watch and LISTEN to our Jagoff Catcher yelling at this Jagoff.

You’ve seen drivers like the guy above…. Sitting in traffic…he/she sees the same driver off-and-on  in the other lane next to them as the lanes alternatively stop and start. And then…..it happens….some driver realizes they are not seeing the same driver next to them!!

They wonder, are THEY getting ahead or is that OTHER lane moving faster??

And some drivers, once they realize  that the other lane is moving 4 or 5 car lengths faster, HAVE to dart over into the other lane ..like they might be missing out on some bizarre traffic-busting secret.

And there you have our man in the pic above, on I-376 (which, depending on your age you may recall as The Parkway East) doing what we just described.

“Oh!!!!  They’re getting ahead of me!!  I can get to where I’m going 9.8771 seconds faster if I move over THERE!!”

No you won’t!!  You’re just jacking everything up for the rest of us.

Not sure what your “angle” is here Mr. Mitsubishi but, first thing, if you wanna be a “tough guy” in traffic, we suggest a little tougher of a car model than a Mitsubishi…cuz that thing you’re driving there is only about two steps up from a Fiero!!!

Secondly, we have done some research on this type of driving behavior at our JAGS (Jagoff Activity Graduate Studies) Institute.

We found that MOST Pittsburgh drivers, that feel like they HAVE to constantly change lanes to get ahead in gridlock traffic, suffer from something called “High School Racer Lost-emia.”  Which is a mental disorder caused from always being on the losing side if the Kennywood Racer ride at every school picnic.. Especially if it happens in your Senior year.

We believe Mr. Mitsubishi, in the pic above, suffers from “High School Racer Lost-emia” compounded by the fact that he’s driving a sissy car. 

Mr. Mitsubishi, head directly to Kennywood for emergency therapy.

Ride the Racer for a minimum of 35 times in a row until you realize, the Racer thing is random just like the traffic movement. That, combined with the line-waiting time, will teach you patience and help you to realize that sitting at a 45-degree angle across gridlock traffic  is nothing but selfish, Ya Jagoff!!!

Thanks to Steffi for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher!!

Look for us on Vine under @YaJagoff

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