Gas Station Jagoffs

Self Serve – If Ya Know How



We’ve posted some self serve gas pump stories before…people that fill their car with gas and the go inside to buy snacks, use the restroom, fix their make-up, apply for a second mortgage or whatever as well as the gas pumps that don’t have the little thingies on them to hold the pump open “hands free!”

This one is not so much bad or mean as it is entertaining.

I’m more than entertained by their jagoffery synchronization of filling their gas pumps and tugging on the hose to get more length !  (Watch yourself that one!)

I wonder if they are retired synchronized swimmers????

Word has it that they also went to put air in their rear tires but stretched the hose up over the hood, roof and trunk!!!

“More hose!”  (Watch yourself that one too!!)

Ladies good effort!!  We don’t really see a future for a Summer Olympic event for synchronized-self-serve-salsa.

But if there was, you’d be a Gold Medal pair…..and, given YOUR talent level, then USA would have YEARS of Gold Medal Domination  before China or the Rumanians could catch up to us on this one.

In the meantime, just as a reminder,  that little tiny arrow thingy near the gas pump icon on your dashboard is NOT an extra turn-signal indicator… actually points to the side your gas cap is on. What??  Yeppir!!!!!

Thanks for the laugh and keep searching for those left-handed gas pumps, Ya Jagoffs!!


Thanks to Trish (@PGHgrlnRDU) who sent us the above pic from North Carolina!!!

The New Squeegee Carwash Method – While EVERYONE Waits!


It is HARD to tell what’s going on in this picture from the Sheetz store in North Huntingdon, PA.  Out of all of the “Gas Station Jagoffs.” this one MIGHT just be the champeeeeeen.

Here’s the tweet that accompanied the pic:

Here’s a Jagoff for you. Out-of-towner washing his entire vehicle with the window washer at Sheetz…

He finished pumping and continued to wash! Was at it for another 10-15 minutes AFTER gas!

So, yeah.. washed the entire car with the squeegee and a bucket of window wash fluid.   It left the questions, like:

For lunch, did he order a bun, lettuce, tomatoes and onions ONLY at the MTO machine and then pull out some leftover breakfast sausage that he had stuffed in his pants pocket since the continental breakfast at the hotel this morning?

Did he top off his fuel tank by going around to each pump and tapping the 9 extra drops out of each nozzle into his tank?

Do you think he wraps medicine bottle cotton-balls on to paperclips, stolen from the office, as Q-tips?  Or does he stick a used hairpin in his ear to scoop out the wax and then gaze at the chunks?

Sure.. everyone scams the system at times… people like me that take huge wads of napkins from the restaurants like Sheetz and throw them in the glove compartment of the car for those sneeze/choking/snot emergencies!

Hey Squeegee Squidward, thanks for tying up the gas pump while you gave your car a mani and a pedi.  Thank GAWD they give ya free soap back at the hotel!!  We  would have hated to see you standing at the pump for ANOTHER 15 minutes, with a bunch of those little wipey blue towels tied in a knot on your head and wrapped around your waist, while you scrubbed your underarms and dinkyd00 with that same squeegee.  You probably would have ALSO jipped into the tire filling station to blow dry your hair, Ya Jagoff!!!


Thanks to  @NHTdad for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today. 


Get your hoodie!

Click the pic to see how to order yours!!!


Get In The Fast Lane Grandma!!!


We received two of these in the same week!!  One on Facebook (pic above) and one Tweet.

This is the quote that accompanied the Facebook pic:

“Blocking the pumps while cleaning your windshield, headlights and tail lights is just plain ignorant!”

This is the tweet that happened on the same day (separate incident)

We can’t believe it has taken this long to catch someone doing this cuz it seems to happen CONSTANTLY!!!!  Someone creating a line at the gas pumps for NO GOOD REASON!

Example 1: Landscaper trailers that fill 25 gasoline containers during rush hour and then go inside to buy  coffee and donut.

Example 2: People that fill their gas tank and then leave their car at the pump while they go in to use the bathroom OR take advantage of the “12 hot dogs, drink and a bag of chips for 9-cents” special

Eample 3:  Car cleaners! (like above)

Now this is where it gets difficult….respect your elders or point out a Jagoff?????????????  Oh boy!

Because our Catholic School Guilt Training that we took in grade school will overwhelm us if we call someone’s grandma a…. well.. you know…we’re gonna do this.

Hey (INSERT GASOLINE JAGOFF TYPE HERE) despite the fact that a tank of gas on most of the vehicles is just about the same price as a Penguins’ season ticket plan, the rest of us do need fuel.  And we would like to get it sometime before our tank runs completely out while we are waiting in line.  And, as in the case above with grandma detailing the “Sunday Rambler,” we would like to get gas SOMETIME before our  automatic AARP Magazine subscription date!

If you need to take a leak, take a peak, get a lottery card, pay cash cause you lost your debit card again, grab a Ding-Dong and a coffee or get the Instant-Laxative Hot Dog Special, MOVE YOUR CAR, the classic car cruise is at the plaza down the road on Friday night, Ya Jagoff!!


Author’s Note:  We suggest you pull your car over by the sometimes-working car vacuum.  That way, if it IS working, we can POTENTIALLY have another Gasoline Station Jagoff post when someone rolls in to clean out their car right before they go pick up their boss for a ride-a-long and YOU’RE IN THE WAY!  (LOL)


Thanks to Twitter Follower @Stefanie5h and Facebook Follower Skip Brown for being today’s Honorary Jagoff Catchers!!!