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Criminal Jagoffs

This Post Has Some Teeth To It.. Wait.. WHO STOLE THEM??

So we’re watching this new story.  To sum it up, a bunch of cars got burglarized in the Bridgeville area.  From one of the cars, the only thing the burglars took were the owner’s false teeth.

God!  This brings up so many questions.  The first of which is, “Why would you steal false teeth?”  Second and third on our list is, “Why do you store your teeth in your car?” and “Where they in the cup holder soaking clean or were they stashed in a specially made Sunglass-False-Teeth-Holder attached to the sun visor?” (They probably have one of those in the SkyMall Magazine.)

As we’re getting ready to write these burglars up for being…..well, you know….we find THIS story on the WTAE website:

Haaaaa..haaaaaaa.haaaaaaa are you kidding?  We thought that rule #798.5, subsection 8, paragraph 11 in the “Bank Robbery Manual” was, COVER ALL DISTINGUISHING MARKS!!!!! Haaaa….haaaaa… oh (a little bit of pee just squirted out from laughing so hard!)… you just cannot beat local news for a Jagoff Catcher Net!!!!!!

OK.. get signed up for eBay and Craig’s List cuz you will probably get a reward if you see these two postings:

GPS Units, iTouch, and a set of teeth sale, call ……

Then this:

Just came across a large amount of money, looking for a set of dentures, call…..

Owe-Emmm-Geeeee (that’s the long form of OMG)!  What the hell is happening around here?  The other day, a guy waiting for the bus got shot in his hand (WPXI) because a robber wanted his cell phone!  Stealing phones and dentures?  Does that mean all of the copper is gone at this point??????????

Hey burglars, you’re making the rest of us Pittsburghers look bad (and that means you get posted here) with your bounty choices.  If you’re going to be in the STEALING BUSINESS, can you at least do some armored car stuff or SOMETHING more substantial?  Like, steal a police car or something then give your name over the police radio as you scream, “Catch me if you can!”  If ‘you guys are in the “Robbers Apprentice Program” we don’t think you’re gonna graduate with honors.

Actually, we think these two crimes are……. here it comes…… some point we think these two crimes are gonna come back to BITE YA IN THE ASS, YA JAGOFFS!!!


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