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Criminal Jagoffs

Someone Who Actually WANTED A Newspaper Insert!!!!


Things are busy here in the Jaggy-news room!  (For the record, the nickname Jaggy was given to us by Facebook Funnyman, Tad Askew.)  We actually have 5 Jagoff posts ideas already for this week.  Thanks to everyone that keeps submitting.  BUT… if there becomes a “BREAKING JAGOFF” story, DO NOT hesitate to send it in, we can maybe even dispatch our WJGF, Jago-One Chopper!!!

In the meantime, click the pic above if you want to see the full story behind today’s post.  As most of you know, we’re here to make Pittsburgh better one Jagoff at a time and, when someone from here embarrasses the rest of us, nationally, they get posted here.  This lady made national news!

Here’s an excerpt from the WPXI story,

A 58-year-old woman is accused of stealing bundles of newspapers… Linda Altman would wait for a Post-Gazette delivery truck to unload bundles of newspapers into a storage shed in Westmoreland County….Police said Altman is accused of stealing $2,700 worth of newspapers over the last 17 months…“She just said she was after the coupons…”

WHAAAAT????  Since it was only the coupon section and not the entire newspaper, we don’t think she was stealing them to put her fresh, home-baked cookies on to cool as they were coming off a hot cookie sheet!!!!  And if she WAS doing that, we’d want to know how many Toll House Cookies and Snicker-doodles you can fit on $2,700 worth off single-layered Post Gazette pages! (get some milk, we gonna dunk!)

And who in theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hell was CLIPPING all those couponss???????  Her hands must have had scissor calluses tougher than a falcon glove!

On the other hand, we’re not really sure WHY anyone’s complaining.  Who actually WANTS those PG inserts anyway??

First, Linda Ultimate-Couponer-Altman, have you NEVER heard about Aldi’s, smartphones, Q-R codes, GroupOn, email coupons and electronic Fuel Perks???  These are so much EASIER…and free AND legal!!!!!

But here’s what we’re guessing:  we think we were actully behind you at a Giant Eagle self-checkout lane once— you were the lady in the self check-out lane, despite having 2 overloaded carts, needed to double-bag your frozen items and soaps, had to pre-sort out two, separate houses of grocery bags, didn’t know how to enter the key-code for the the Clementines that were on special, only had cash and had at least 50 totally-wrinkled 5-dollar bills that wouldn’t go into the bill feeder and THEN had $2,700 worth of coupons to scan and stuff into that little “Insert Coupons Here” slot, Ya Jagoff!!!

Don’t forget to get your “Don’t Be A Jagoff” cellphone skin from the folks at CellPig

(The only place in the world that has them.)

Click on the photo below to see all of ’em!







  • SinBinKreations
  • North Country Brewing


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