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Inanimate Jagoffs

It’s Girl Scout Cookie Season (Still On That New Years Resolution?)

It’s almost Girl Scout Cookie season, THANK GOD!!!  I thought I still had some left in the freezer from LAST season but, NOPE!  (And those Thin Mints are DEEE-lish frozen).

Guessing that I ate them all while watching all of the episodes of NBC’s ”The Biggest Loser!”  Yeppir, while I was watching those heavies get yelled at by the coaches, I was downing a sleeve of Thin Mints or a row of Samoas per episode WITH a glass or two of milk! (Skim of course)

As a matter of fact, the more the Biggest Loser coaches yelled, the more anxious I’d get and tap into the first couple of cookies from the next  sleeve or row!!!  And ya KNOW ya can’t EVER leave behind a partial sleeve or row of Girl Scout cookies!!!

After the “Biggest Loser” show was over, I would feel guilty and go a little more healthy – I would back off the heavy cookies and eat of few Trefoils.   Guilt be gone cuz they have no icing!!!!

Maybe it’s time I write a diet book.  Diet books ALWAYS make MONEY.  Here’s how mine would go:

Forward: By Jack LaLane’s Ghost Writer (Really a ghost)

Chapter 1: Don’t Eat that 5th Slice of Pizza!

Chapter 2:  Why Did You Eat the 5th Pizza? (Subtitle – Why Are You Even Reading This Book If Yer Not Gonna Listen?)

Chapter 3:  No More Snacking After 9 (A.M. that is!)

Chapter 4: Put Down the Remote and GET UP To Change the Channel Chubbins

Chapter 5: Take Yer Dirty Clothes Off of the Treadmill

Chapter 6: Have Some Pride, Step On Your Own Scale and Stand In Front Of Your Own Mirror!

Chapter 7:  How’s That Weigh Loss Resolution Going???

And, of course, the Closing Remarks would be one simple sentence, JUST PUSH AWAY FROM THE TABLE, YA JAGOFF!!!!!

OK.. remember to order those cookies!!!!!

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