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Wedding Jagoffs

Pittsburgh “Cookie Table” Wedding Jag…..

Yeeesssss, that “Pittsburgh Cookie Table” looks luscious.  But, do you happen to see any lady locks in that photo above?

Let’s make this easy.. NO YOU DI-int!!!

The week before Wayne and Dina (Deena) got married, their Italian families got together and spent 3 entire days making cookies for the reception.  Lotsa a butter, lotsa sugar and lotsa love!

The reception hotel, who’s name we have cleverly disguised, The Hairport Merry-ott, required that all cookies be on premises a few days before the reception.  Lotsa people took lotsa time to take lotsa cookies to the Hairport Merry-ott.  This included 40-dozen lady locks.

Fast forward to the wedding reception and the lady locks are M.I.A…. All 40-dozen!!!

When Wayne and Dina’s families asked The Hairport Merry-ott staff about the M.I.A. lady locks during the reception, they had no answers.

Fast forward again.. Wayne and Dina returned from their honeymoon.  Their families met with the Hairport Merry-ott adminy-types.  Suddenly, everyone from the hotel became Sergeant Schultz from “Hogan’s Hereo’s” ….”I know na-THINK!”

Their staff knows nadda and security videos show zip!

So where did the Lady Locks go???  The families remember taking them there and… … and…. and….and….

Well, Cyril Wecht was busy that week so Wayne and Dina’s families requested an activation of our specialized “Lady Locks Black Ops” team (yes, we have one of those). Based on our team’s work, here are some of our hypotheses of what occurred:

1)   The Hairport Merry-ott staff misplaced, miss-served them (naaaahhh COULDN’T be!)

2)   The day of Dina and Wayne’s wedding, someone on the Hairport Merry-ott staff showed up for work weighing 108lbs and left weighing 391lbs and had powdered sugar all over his/her black staff uniform (somewhat plausible but no staff member has requested a new uniform fitting.)

3)   You know how older ladies tend to wrap up a “few cookies” in a napkin and put them in their little purse to take home? Maybe a rouge gang of grannies raided The Hairport Merry-ott cookie storeroom.  (Possible but at, 40 dozen, divided by 4 cookies per lady, that’s 120 grannies.. larger than most Gin Rummy card parties which isn’t realistic)

4)   Our most LIKELY scenario: there was another wedding at the Hairport Merry-ott the same evening.  As it turns out, it was for the daughter of Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster!!!!!

Hey Merry-ott Marauders, we’re NOT blaming you for losing 40-dozen lady locks and NOT owning up to it.  All we’re sayin’ is, THANK GOD the out-of-town guests didn’t stay at your hotel cuz, like the lady locks, who KNOWS where they would have ended up the night of Wayne and Dina’s reception, Ya Jagoffs!!!

Don’t forget to check out our t-shirts. Proceeds go to Breast Cancer Research at Magee Women’s Hospital.

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