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Driving Jagoffs

Senior Citizen Road Rager

Those of you new here might not know but, people/things that get posted here are people/things that make our fine part of town look bad and embarrass the rest of us who enjoy living here.  This story goes to the head of the class.

To be fair, all three Pittsburgh TV stations ran this story but we chose WTAE’s version because they sent reporter Bob Mayo to report on it which gives us a chance to pretend that someone said, “Let us (lettuce) get MAYO on that story.  We’ll sandwich it in between sports and weather serve it up on the 11 o’clock show!” (Classy huh?)

Story Premise:

69-year old Sandra Ross got road rage sooooo bad that she got out of her car, screams like mad woan and reaches into the car of 60-year old Rose Clark and pulls Rose’s hair like as if she’s single-handedly pulling one of the Duquesne Incline cars up the hill manually by its cable!  Of course Rose is completely perplexed as to WHY this happened.  In her yell-from-behind-the-door statement to WTAE’s Bob Mayo, Sandra says Rose was driving like a “Jagoff” (our word not hers).

What??  God what we wouldn’t have paid to see this first-hand.

Sandra, did anyone ever mention to you that, no matter how big of a Jagoff you think a driver MIGHT be, you STILL can’t attack them?  Don’t you know that’s what your horn, dirty looks and middle fingers are for?????  God, what in the hell happens at Bingo when you only have one number to go for the big jackpot and someone else yells “BINGO?”  We’re afraid to imagine how you might decorate someone’s face with your red dobber in some fit of rage.

One request Sandra, please make a point to let the news folks get pic of you cuz right now, our IMAGINARY picture is a 69-year old woman wearing your Velcro shoes, your double-knit white slacks down around your butt, with an AARP doo-rag on so you can look intimidating for traffic who drives around with your windows down, listening to Chilly Billy’s “Songs Of Your Life” on 1320-am … WITH THE 808 BASS pounding on a Bobby Vinton song.

Look everyone deserves a second chance so Sandra, we suggest that you enlist the help of the “Matt Cooke Second Chance School of Non-Aggressive Driving!”  Have you seen how he has changed HIS aggressive behaviors??  Of course, you seem a little more aggressive and short-fused than #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins but, we’re sure he can be helpful.  Next time, as OUR grandmother would say, “Keep your hands to yourself” Ya Jagoff!