Shopping Jagoffs

Aug 22 2011

Clarifying Wal-Mart’s Return Policy

Poor Wal-Mart.  They get so much “only losers hang out and SOMETIMES shop here” press.  As it turns out, they are pretty easy going on their return policy.  Because they are so lenient, (we know you will find this very hard to believe) someone in Bethel Park tried to take advantage of the policy.

One of our Facebook followers, a trusted “retired man of the badge” was walking into the Bethel Park Wal-Mart and saw a wack-Jack pushing a buggy that contained a used car battery with stuff dripping from it.  The guy pushes the buggy to the customer service counter and asks if he can return the battery!!

Can you picture the conversation?

Guy:  Yeah, um, (SNORT, THROAT CLEAR LIKE HE’S BRINGING UP A LUNGER), um, I would like to return this. It don’t work no more.

Wal-Mart:  Well, I’m sorry sir.  We have a policy that you have to have shoes on to get service here.  I cannot help you.

Guy:  Yeah, well, ya see, I HAD shoes on when I walked in here, but the acid dripping from this battery ate my shoes away. 

Wal-Mart:  (stretching over the counter to see) What?  Sir, your battery is ruining our floor!

Guy:  Now you know why I wanna return it!!  Look what it did to my shoes!  But, take your time, I want the acid to take care of that ingrown toenail I have on my left big toe!

I wonder where the Wal-Mart Greeter was when he strolled in there?

Guy-with-the-drippy-battery, I seriously doubt you’re reading this but, as a suggestion, why don’t you try taking that battery to Nordstrom’s at Ross Park Mall? (They probably won’t take it DESPITE having a world renowned return policy BUT it would give us more material for our blog when you do it!)

In the meantime, used toothbrushes, half-cooked meat, milk that is now cottage cheese (oooo, just got a little puke in my throat on THAT one), Atari games, combs found under the floor mat of your ’67 Rambler, Commodore 64 computers, boxes of 5 1/4″ floppy drives, Kotex pads previously stuck to your head as a sweatband when you were WRASSLING with the bar buddies, low-mileage Wal-Mart Brand female intimate wear and men’s underwear that has more skid marks than Pittsburgh International Airport’s runway 2-7 are ALSO on the “Common Sense, For Those That Have None, List of Non Returnable Items” at Wal-Mart, Ya JAGOFF!

Thanks to our Honorary Jagoff Catcher and FB follower Richard Schneeman for his FINE, FINE work on this!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Shopping Jagoffs • 0 • Tags: ,

Jul 22 2011

How To Look “WIERD” In a Walmart?

(CLICK ABOVE GRAPHIC FOR STORY BY WPXI)

 

Ahhhh!  Poor Fayette County. 

Their reputation is such that 58 year-old Nelson Falcone drove about 100 miles from his hometown of Bannock, Ohio to PUT ON A DRESS AND SOME PANTY HOSE and  EXPOSE HIMSELF  in the Walmart Garden Center of Dunbar Township, Fayette County, PA!  I’m guessing Nelson has seen all of those “Walmart People” photos on line AND reads our blog about Fayette County stories and decided, “I can get away with this over in PA!”  Kinda like walking around New York City in underwear – nobody would notice!

Woaaaah Nelly!!!! 

“ATTENTION WAL-MART SHOPPERS, Not in MY house” said the local security guard!  Yep, even the folks in Fayette County found this wierd and offensive!

What WE found most peculiar was - our buddy Nelly chose to do this in the Garden Center area of the store.  At least if he/she would have done it in the section where they sell pantyhose and ladies clothing, he/she would have had an alibi like, “I just wanted to see how they fit and I had trouble finding a mirror.”  Exposing yourself in the Garden Center only leads to a week alibi like, ” I was only looking for a hoe!”

Fayette County, sorry that Nelly did this to you.

Nelly, next time ya wanna show your “junk,” run for public office.  After you win, then text some photos to people – not only is it more exciting that way but you’ll also have a chance of being offered your own talk show on cable TV, YA JAGOFF!!! 

 

BTW, check out  @wpxi reporter Courtney Brennan’s opening line of this story, “This is one of those stories that makes you wonder what in the world is wrong with people, SERIOUSLY!”  Haaaa…haaaa…. perfect opening.  Very realistic, waaay better than some stupid play-on-words opening!!!  Nice work Courtney!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Criminal Jagoffs, Shopping Jagoffs • 0 • Tags: , ,

Jun 27 2011

I Scream. You Scream. We All Scream For Ice Cream (Makers)

I heard about this story at a weekend graduation party.  I couldn’t wait to get to my computer to check it out.  I almost faked irritable bowel symptoms during the party so that I could sneak away to search it on my iPhone.

Donna Rosenberger went into the McCandless Township Target store to SUPPOSEDLY return two ice cream makers.  Not sure why somone would need two but, so be it!

Her story is: she didn’t like their return policy so she grabbed a baseball bat and started smashing the windows of the store!!!  But if ya watch the video from WPXI, I think ya get the drift that her story REALLY is that she’s a little “Cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs!”  The fact that she was calling Howard Stern for help on this and not FAMOUS Pittsburgh defense attorney JIM ECKER is signs of total insanity.  She’s the perfect client for TV-haired Jim Ecker – crazy and guilty as @#!%.

I wonder what actually put her over the top - maybe it was the fact that the Target employee said to her “You clicked AGREE to our 2,354 page on-line return policy agreement back in 2009.  You should have taken more time to read the agreement thoroughly before clicking AGREE.”

And here comes what ticks me off the most about this story – THE TIMING!

Hey Donna, why did you have to pick NOW to use a baseball bat to bash in the windows.  The Pittsburgh Pirates are actually playing respectably and your timing gives me zero JOKE OPTIONS about them hiring you since you could actually HIT something with a bat, YA JAGOFF!

Thanks to “Fritz” who we met at the graduation this weekend and told us this story.  I don’t think Fritz knows that I write this blog but, that’s ok.  If ya know someone named Fritz who was at a graduation party this weekend, pass this along to him.  It just may be him and this story was worth the laugh!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Shopping Jagoffs • 3 • Tags: , ,