Shopping Jagoffs

Christmas Shopping Jagoffs – The Shopping Cart


It’s not even  Black Friday yet but we already have a Christmas Shopping Jag!!!  Someone just didn’t seem to have enough spare time. in between texting, emails, phone calls, packing the car, to walk their cart to the old cart-herder thingy… which, by the way, is usually less than 10 parking spaces away from any other parking space.

The pic ALSO reminds me to ponder… are you a PUSHER or a WALKER?  Meaning.. someone who walks their cart to within 4 feet of the cart rack and then shoves it like a madman OR someone who walks the thing the extra four feet and simply places the cart in it’s proper place?  I guess it all depends on if you own your own cart or lease it!

Oh wait…maybe the carts are sponsored by MAACO paint and body shop!  Merry scratch-and-dent-Christmas.

Hey… Cart-Pit-Bagger… (oh… that was a nice one) what kind of time would it take out of your self-absorbent busy day to put the cart where it’s supposed to be? And one other question, are you the same people that, when you were younger, you walked your milk glass or cereal bowl over to the dishwasher, but, instead of placing it IN the dishwasher, you placed the item on the counter, 5.46″ away from the dishwasher opening, Ya Jagoff???


Special thanks to StayAtHomeMammaLife on Twitter for the pic and for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today!!

Don’t Forget To Order Your T-shirt for Christmas.

Click the pic below to see the store.

Clarifying Wal-Mart’s Return Policy

Poor Wal-Mart.  They get so much “only losers hang out and SOMETIMES shop here” press.  As it turns out, they are pretty easy going on their return policy.  Because they are so lenient, (we know you will find this very hard to believe) someone in Bethel Park tried to take advantage of the policy.

One of our Facebook followers, a trusted “retired man of the badge” was walking into the Bethel Park Wal-Mart and saw a wack-Jack pushing a buggy that contained a used car battery with stuff dripping from it.  The guy pushes the buggy to the customer service counter and asks if he can return the battery!!

Can you picture the conversation?

Guy:  Yeah, um, (SNORT, THROAT CLEAR LIKE HE’S BRINGING UP A LUNGER), um, I would like to return this. It don’t work no more.

Wal-Mart:  Well, I’m sorry sir.  We have a policy that you have to have shoes on to get service here.  I cannot help you.

Guy:  Yeah, well, ya see, I HAD shoes on when I walked in here, but the acid dripping from this battery ate my shoes away. 

Wal-Mart:  (stretching over the counter to see) What?  Sir, your battery is ruining our floor!

Guy:  Now you know why I wanna return it!!  Look what it did to my shoes!  But, take your time, I want the acid to take care of that ingrown toenail I have on my left big toe!

I wonder where the Wal-Mart Greeter was when he strolled in there?

Guy-with-the-drippy-battery, I seriously doubt you’re reading this but, as a suggestion, why don’t you try taking that battery to Nordstrom’s at Ross Park Mall? (They probably won’t take it DESPITE having a world renowned return policy BUT it would give us more material for our blog when you do it!)

In the meantime, used toothbrushes, half-cooked meat, milk that is now cottage cheese (oooo, just got a little puke in my throat on THAT one), Atari games, combs found under the floor mat of your ’67 Rambler, Commodore 64 computers, boxes of 5 1/4″ floppy drives, Kotex pads previously stuck to your head as a sweatband when you were WRASSLING with the bar buddies, low-mileage Wal-Mart Brand female intimate wear and men’s underwear that has more skid marks than Pittsburgh International Airport’s runway 2-7 are ALSO on the “Common Sense, For Those That Have None, List of Non Returnable Items” at Wal-Mart, Ya JAGOFF!

Thanks to our Honorary Jagoff Catcher and FB follower Richard Schneeman for his FINE, FINE work on this!

How To Look “WIERD” In a Walmart?



Ahhhh!  Poor Fayette County. 

Their reputation is such that 58 year-old Nelson Falcone drove about 100 miles from his hometown of Bannock, Ohio to PUT ON A DRESS AND SOME PANTY HOSE and  EXPOSE HIMSELF  in the Walmart Garden Center of Dunbar Township, Fayette County, PA!  I’m guessing Nelson has seen all of those “Walmart People” photos on line AND reads our blog about Fayette County stories and decided, “I can get away with this over in PA!”  Kinda like walking around New York City in underwear – nobody would notice!

Woaaaah Nelly!!!! 

“ATTENTION WAL-MART SHOPPERS, Not in MY house” said the local security guard!  Yep, even the folks in Fayette County found this wierd and offensive!

What WE found most peculiar was – our buddy Nelly chose to do this in the Garden Center area of the store.  At least if he/she would have done it in the section where they sell pantyhose and ladies clothing, he/she would have had an alibi like, “I just wanted to see how they fit and I had trouble finding a mirror.”  Exposing yourself in the Garden Center only leads to a week alibi like, ” I was only looking for a hoe!”

Fayette County, sorry that Nelly did this to you.

Nelly, next time ya wanna show your “junk,” run for public office.  After you win, then text some photos to people – not only is it more exciting that way but you’ll also have a chance of being offered your own talk show on cable TV, YA JAGOFF!!! 


BTW, check out  @wpxi reporter Courtney Brennan’s opening line of this story, “This is one of those stories that makes you wonder what in the world is wrong with people, SERIOUSLY!”  Haaaa…haaaa…. perfect opening.  Very realistic, waaay better than some stupid play-on-words opening!!!  Nice work Courtney!