Holiday Jagoffs

Easter Jagoff – Pysanky Philanderer

YJ-EasterJagoff

Is there not a Holiday that goes by that doesn’t have some Jagoffery associated with it?

Check out this story from the TribLive website.

A summary of the story:

Guy and lady dying Easter eggs.

(You can just picture it… just like the scene from the movie “Ghost.”  The two of them hovered around their Steelers, Pirates and Penguins mugs filled with those goofy little pellets and smelly vinegar.)

Lady ALLEGEDLY accuses egg-dying partner of cheating on her.

(I guess that makes him mad because, well, obviously she’s not concentrating on how to get the deepest blue on her egg or how to use that silly wire-egg-holder-thingy to get a perfect two-color egg.)

I’m also kind of anxious as to how this came up.

(I wonder if he used the invisible secret crayon and wrote his other girly’s name on it and accidentally left the egg in the blue dye too long and she fished it out with the silly wire-egg-holder-thingy and BOOM!.. there it was!  “Who in theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee @#$#@% is GiGi?”)

Guy ALLEGEDLY became agitated and began hurling the eggs at his egg-dying partner.

(As long ago as I can think of, we always died what seemed to be 5-tons of hard-boiled eggs.  I have no idea who ever ate all of those things but something tells me most of them were left over and used in the that year’s official first picnic, Memorial Day, for potato salad! So, while the eggs probably hurt, really, there were probably too many of them anyway.)

Guy ALLEGEDLY locks himself into room by blocking the door with an exercise machine.

(I wonder if his had just as many clothes hanging on it as mine does. If so, he could have lived in there for 3-4 weeks and had a new outfit for every day.)

Police finally get to the guy. He’s now in jail awaiting arraignment.

(More than likely, his girlfriend and his girlfriend missed him at the Noon Easter mass and the blessing of the baskets.  But then again, there probably weren’t many eggs to bless and he doesn’t seem to be a chocolate crucifix kind of guy.)

(I am sooooooooooo tempted to end this with a stupid, “The Yoke’s on YOU!” joke but I’m not gonna.)

Hey Philandering-Pysanky-Pete….if my mom would have been there, you would have been in even more trouble for wasting the eggs then you were for cheating on your girlfriend.  As she was pulling the short hairs on the back of your neck, she would have said, “It’s all fun ’til someone loses and eye,” Ya Jagoff!

 

 

It’s MLK Day- Get Free Shipping! (Huh?)

sears martin luther king jr sale

Today we honor Dr. Martin Luther, Jr – a man strong in mind, heart and soul.   And how do some retailers do it?  FREE SHIPPING SITE WIDE!!!  The good Dr. King.. how could he NOT be proud!

I have a dream that, the Al Gore internet will insure every man has a fridge, scarf, treadmill and, above ALL else, FREE SHIPPING!!

What will you do today?  Will you sleep in?  Will you head to the local mall or electronics store for a sale?  Will you head to Seven Springs for a long weekend of skiing (just like Dr. King would have) and imbibing at the Foggy Goggle or will you head to some place like the August Wilson Center to learn more, or teach your kids more, about WHY we honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. today?

Sure, you’ll be TEMPTED to relax today and catchup on DVR’d programs and DIY home projects.   If it’s above 40 degrees, a lot of you will spend 90-minutes in a car wash line to get the road salt residue off.

At least take a few minutes to talk about Dr. King and remember, this is NOT just a day to go get a discount on a new car, cheap linens at Sears, half off  a new washer/dryer, sleep in, do work on the house or get drunk.  (You’ve heard us say this before about Memorial Day.)

And for those of you NOT doing anything to reinforce WHY most of us have the day off today, for CRISSAKES, let’s at least say the whole name.  It’s not MLK Day, it’s Martin Luther King, Jr Day.  Yes!  It’s even more important than your daily Consol – (con-SAWL or CON-soool) argument.

If you’re spending your day off at the mall, tallying up discounts and making fun of someone different than you, you’re missing the whole reason behind why you have today off, Ya Jagoffs!

(This is the spot where Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was killed April 4, 1968.  The small square of concrete still contains the blood stains.)

Christmas Vehicle Decorations?

YJ-Hopay1

Sometimes the blog followers like to spout off… get something off of their chest. Today is one of those days about the people who decorate their vehicles for Christmas.

The Friday after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, ushers in two specific events.

The first is opening day for parents to blow every last dollar they’ve earned on gifts that will likely end up in the corner of a toy box or on Ebay.  The second is the signal for Gentiles everywhere to begin their displays of appreciation for the impending holiday season.

One day I saw the strangest thing…  I guess people started thinking it wasn’t Christmas unless their cars looked like a tree ornament. At first it was the Christmas wreath on the grill of the Dodge Caravan with the suburban mom in her tacky Christmas sweater behind the wheel. All too soon her decorations became just as tacky as her attire. Or how about the dreadful antlers on the roof and red nose on the grill?  You have to feel sorry for the poor deer who, thinking he finally landed a date for the evening, discovers he just mounted a Honda Civic!

Talk about a bunch of jagoffs…if you participate in this holiday ritual to your vehicles, guess what? You are a Christmas jagoff…

Do you agree or disagree?  Comment below.

Thanks to Kathleen Hopay from Nevada for the rant…we just saved her another month of high blood pressure medication.  Follow her on Twitter @Season4357.