Driving Jagoffs

Swaggerin’ in a Mitsubishi ?

Mitsubishi vehicle photo impersonated cuz it’s Jaggoffery to drive and take photos on your phone.

Here’s a Jagoff email I received:

“This morning, on my way in to work, I approach a four-way stop sign near my house. I stop, as does the person to my left. Along comes “Mr. Jagoff” in his sporty little black Mitsubishi. He does not stop like the rest of us commoners- instead he rolls through the intersection, chatting on his cell phone and pretending we are invisible!  Mr Jagoff doesn’t believe that stop signs apply to him. He thinks his life is so much more important than the rest of ours. Thanks for putting me in a crappy mood first thing this morning, YA JAGOFF!”

Now THIS was the purpose of our website. Get it out…don’t harbor feelings, VENT!  Catch the Jagoffs!

Here’s what I say to the guy in the Less-than-$30,000-almost-a-sports-car-but-not-really Mitsubishi:

1)     If you’re gonna have a “greater than thou”  attitude, drive around in something that warrants and attitude AND I DON’T MEAN A CONVERTIBLE FIERO!!!

2)     Having an attitude in a Mitsubishi is like trying to swagger around the South Side’s Club Diesel in Wal-Mart jeans

3)     Your attitude in a Mitsubishi is as “yesterday” as taking a picture of yourself and your lady friend (you with your shirt buttoned down to your belly-button and your chest-hair toupee showing) then saying, “Hey, I can’t wait to THIS ROLL OF FILM DEVELOPED!

4)     It’s like trying to be cool by pronouncing Primanti’s as “Pri-MONTY’s!”

Soooo, Mr. Mitsubishi, before you go trying to be a “Big-swingin-meat-I-wear-Ralph-Lauren-fragrance-I’m-hipper-than-you-Yakin-on-the-cell-phone-Leaning-on-the-center-console-With-my-wrist-draped-over-the-steering-wheel-Don’t-need-to-obey-the-road-rules-OR-common-sense-OR-common-courtesy” Dude, get a RESPECTABLE swaggerin’ car, YA JAGOFF!

Thanks to RhondaG of N. Huntingdon for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher!

8-Year Old Drives Drunk Dad Home

YJ-FatherSonDriving

This is another one of those, “WHAT MAKES SOMEONE THINK THIS IS OK” posts!!!!  Apparently this lady has the only PA Drivers Guide with a typo in it!

You can click here for the TribLive version of the story but the summary is:

*  Frank allegedly assesses that he has had too much to drink.

*  He then ALLEGEDLY rationalizes to himself that it’s PERFECTLY FINE to let his 8-year-old son jump in the car and help daddy out by driving the car and daddy home. (HECK, she drives the Kennywood Park Turnpike ride like a CHAMP!)

*  The end result was NOT the optimum result but PROBABLY the EXPECTED result – some damage to the family truckster, an emotionally traumatized little boy and dad proving why adults should need a license to take care of kids (smile for the mugshot daddy!)

Franky – let’s think of a few alternatives to your decision that you might have made:

1)  Find another licensed driver to drive you home

2)  Wait for the other driver while you even enjoy another drink

3)   Go the next day and pick up your car at the VFW …with another licensed driver.

4)   Take a series of selfies of yourself giving noogies to other bar patrons.  I guarantee someone would have found you a way home!

We can just see it now when the boy is 16, “Hey dad, remember that one time when….uhm….. NEVER MIND!”  And then there’s ten more years of “Mommy, can I go with dad to….uhm .. NEVER MIND!” And you can just hear her at Kennywood Park, “Whaddaya mean I’m NOT tall enough to ride the bumper cars, I did this FOR REAL, buster!”

Franky, if by any chance you are a dump truck driver, helicopter pilot or a bulldozer or crane operator, PLEASE stay home on “Take Your Child To Work” Day, YA JAGOFF!

A Friday Jagoff Driver Two-fer!

Yeah! A Two-fer special from our bud Jackie.

Two Block-blockers in two weeks. Seems she should get a prize for this but, we’re cheaper than your Uncle Stush who used to scotch-tape  a dollar’s worth of nickles to the inside of your birthday card up until your 13th birthday.

The tweet with the top pic was:

Is this real life

And the intersection tweet was:

This is what we call a and a

Are we on the Kennywood Bumper cars?   Is the guy in the top pic a 6-year old that doesn’t realize that, if you turn the wheel the entire way to the left or right the car goes into reverse?  Is the car in the second pic a 14-year old boy friend/girl friend couple in matching sailor hats with their names on them where the male is trying to look “Doe” low-riding and just wants to sit there and get hit to see his girlfriend freak out?

Nope!  These are just people who believe THEIR life is more important than everyone else who’s on the road.  Because, as you know, sitting through the next red light makes a difference in you getting to the office 98-seconds faster than if you would have sat through the light!

I go back to the the original thought.  If we had cops at these intersections, we could fund the City’s debt and pay off both stadiums and the Consol Energy Center.

Seriously though, are you  the same people that stand in that critical space at the grocery store, the space between the end of the aisle and the cashiers, talking to your friends?  Are you all middle-children-syndrome people looking for attention?

Get outta the way Ya Jagoffs!!!

Huuuuuuge thanks to Jackie Schafer of WTAE for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today.

Follow Jackie on Twitter @Jackie_Schafer