What’s New Since “Stanley” Was Here Last?

That last time the Stanley Cup made it’s way around Pittsburgh (2009), here’s what it saw:

1. From the photos above, Sid had just a little more beard but, not much. And, to be partial, the locker room hats were way better in 2009.
2. The cup did NOT see the Point State Park Fountain because, April of 2009, the fountain was turned off for a $9.6 million upgrade and refurbishment which could not have included laser hair removal back then; it went online again at the opening of the Three Rivers Arts Festival on June 7, 2013.  So, Cup, if I may call you Cup, make sure that you get down there and sit on the side where you can feel the mist. Oh, and make sure you read up on the fact that the water is from and underground river called the “Wisconsin Glacial Flow.” It’s the topic of most tourists who bump into roaming yinzers.
3. The cup would not recognize the Pirates today. Someone make sure that it looks up their records for the last two years, because, last time it was here, the Pirates were working on becoming the first franchise in professional sports to have a losing record in 17 consecutive seasons. But… some guy named Andrew McCutchen was brought up from AAA Indianapolis.  Cup.. you should probably make sure that you get a selfie with Andrew.  Pretty sure that you have the clout to get in!
4. The cup had to share the limelight with another trophy that year.  The Steelers had won the Super Bowl trophy, so we were kinda calling ourselves the City of Champions. Well….we were flashing cup and Lombardi Trophy combo t-shirts and irritating the @#$@ outta the Philly and Cleveland fans.  While you’re here, be sure to search YouTube for video of James Harrison’s 100-yard interception touchdown run.  It was as classic as when you, cup, fell into Mario’s swimming pool back in 1992.
5. And speaking of Cleveland, well, Cleveland now has a championship too!  Don’t worry about visiting there.  But if you do, try to use your influence on getting The Clarks or Donnie Iris into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!
6. The cool thing is, Cup, if you are looking around the Pens offices for the name of the head coach, you might see some white-out on the office door again.  Last time there was a new guy, Dan Bylsma (whom everyone called BLYsma). This time, there was another Red-Rover, Red-Rover, send the coach from Wilkes-Barre over situation.  We don’t actually use white-out anymore so look for a sign that says Sullivan, not Johnston. There’s no confusion on how to pronounce “Sully.”
7. Fortunately, we don’t have any police memorials going on this visit.  The last time you were here, some idiot killed 3 City of Pittsburgh Police Officers. But feel free to never forget them!
8. And, Cup, don’t worry about trying to get around the downtown area in September.  That G-20 thingy isn’t here this time.  But you still can’t find a mailbox downtown. So mail your postcards back to Toronto from a hotel.

One last thing, Cup, to refresh your memory, since you travel all over the world….  we speak Pittsburghese around here.  He can be hard to decipher what some people are trying to say.  Don’t be stymied if someone says, “Take ‘at cup dahn nare!” or asks, “Can I drink an AHRN CITY outta dare?” Just say yes.  And, lastly, if too many people start to crowd around you and you’re feeling suffocated while they’re not letting other people have a turn at a selfie with you, just say, “Hey, back off and take your turn, Ya Jagoff!”  They will love you even more!

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