Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me”
The sound woke me from a sound sleep. There was rustling going on downstairs. At first, I thought it was one of the family. But when I checked, everyone was still fast asleep.
Quietly, I descended the stairs. I could see the lights from the Christmas tree flickering, even though I was sure we had shut it off before we went to bed.
When I poked my head around the corner, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He was just sitting there eating a cookie, making himself right at home. He had crumbs falling into his beard and all over the floor.
My mother has the worst case of OCD on the planet and vacuums three times a day. As soon as the lines from the vacuum dissolve, she has to put them back. These crumbs were going to drive her insane.
He noticed me staring at him and a big smile came over his face.
“Come sit on my lap, little boy.”
Not only did he break in, but he was a predator. I ran back upstairs, locked the door and called the police.
He was in handcuffs when I arrived back downstairs. One of the officers looked at me and said, “Apparently, the perpetrator somehow worked his way in through the chimney.”
“I wasn’t doing anything wrong!”
The old man pleaded.
“I hear you like to have little boys sit on your lap.”
“ Ho, ho, ho…little girls too.”
“ It’s a pleasure to get a sicko like you off the street.”
“Oh, I’m not on the street. I fly from house to house.
The two officers looked at each other with knowing glances.
“Once we lock you up, you won’t be able to get that magic powder that makes you fly.”
As the officers led him to the door, he turned and looked at me.
“I was just bringing you a present. Because you were good this year.”
“Are you kidding me? Nobody gets anything in this world for being good. If that were the case, why do the evil ones have so much? The greedy amongst us. The ones that root for “ The Grinch” and “Scrooge.” The one’s that laugh and applaud when Mr. Potter steals the 8,000 dollars from Uncle Billy. These people that have everything they will ever need, yet they still want more. And you’re telling me I was going to get something just for being good?”
He was shaking his head as they led him to the squad car. I think I saw a tear in his eye as they loaded him into the back seat.
Then, I heard him exclaim as they drove out of sight.
“I’ll get you for this…you’re bad Johnny Knight!”
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