Can anything be more of a patience test than sitting in Oakland traffic at rush hour? You come off the Parkway ramp at 55 MPH (I wrote 55 just in case there are any State Troopers reading this) and you know that feeling of free-moving freedom is going to end right there on Forbes Avenue!
But this? A backhoe, LITERALLY in the middle of traffic at 8:30am!! Can he get that thing in gear easily? NO! Can anyone try and negotiate around him? NOPE! Once I passed him, I noticed he had a “My OTHER Car Is A Triple-Trailer Semi” bumper sticker along with the obligatory Pittsburghers’ Outter Banks sticker. 
Seriously, is there a ditch that needs to be dug by 10am somewhere? Can you NOT find a time AFTER rush hour to drive on some of the most crowded rush hour streets?
This is “Traffic SPAM!!!! At least the Russell Crowe movie people warn us about the “Traffic SPAM” they are gonna cause.
Hey, Mr. Backhoe Traffic SPAMMER, whaddaya say you start the morning slowly: go get yourself a doughnut and a coffee, talk about the Pens or Pirates or the new Steelers schedule with your dump truck buddy, pass around the newspaper in the Dunkin’ Donuts bathroom with the handheld sign-turner guy, make your calls to the 811 DIG line and then have at it on the roads at about 9:30 AND, if there’s some kind of RUSH HOUR DITCH EMERGENCY, send in a “BACKHOE STRIKE TEAM” ahead of you – apprentices on motorcycles with fold-up Outter Banks beach shovels that can get the ditch started, YA JAGOFF!
Rachael Rennebeck is a Pittsburgh jagoff (the term of endearment version of jagoff of course) who cofounded YaJagoff Media, LLC. With decades of experience eating, drinking, shopping, living, and being among yinzers, we birthed the Pittsburgh-centric company encompassing all things related to the 412, oh, and the 724.
