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What Aggravates Me John Knight

Healthy, Wealthy and What?

Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me”

By Comedian John Knight

Health Insurance is in the news this week as Congress is trying to pass their new, improved Health Care plan. The Republicans have been wanting to do away with the Affordable Health Care Act, aka Obamacare for 7 years. Since they have won the White House and both houses of congress, they have been promising a new, improved, much better plan.

From what I’m reading and hearing, less people will have coverage and it will cost more. This doesn’t sound new and improved to me. It kind of sounds like “New Coke.” For those of you not old enough to remember, in 1985 Coca Cola came out with “New Coke.” At the time, people liked coke. Nobody was saying I wish this Coke was better. Yet, they came out with “New Coke” anyway.

Most of you have never had “New Coke.” It wasn’t on the market very long. Do you know why? Because it sucked!

Now, I’m not comparing the current Health Care plan to Coke, and certainly not the new GOP plan. Far from it. Coke is a tasty, sugary drink and one of the reasons many of you need health insurance.

Let’s face it, insurance rates keep going up and they’re not going to stop. Congress isn’t going to do anything about it because they have insurance that is paid for with our tax dollars. If they had to pay for insurance like the rest of us it would be a different story. Of course for that to happen it would have to be voted into law and guess who makes that vote? So, don’t even dream it.

My plan is simple. We all cancel our Health Insurance tomorrow and nobody gets sick for the next six months to a year. If we’re not buying what they’re selling, the price goes down.

Now, this is going to take some work on everyone’s part. We all have to start taking better care of ourselves. I know, some of you think you’re being healthier because you’ve started eating fish on Fridays during lent. The fact that it’s battered and deep fried kind of takes away any health benefit.

Start exercising. I’m out of commission right now because I hurt my knee while I was running, trying to keep myself healthy. So, you’ll have to start without me. It’s not like I don’t want to. I’ve been trying to exercise regularly most of my life. Well, since I had that health scare in sixth grade.

I guess it wasn’t so much a health scare as confusion. We were getting our yearly physical at school. Yeah, they used to do that…I should mention, I was a little fat kid. This was the days before video games. I was the only one.

So there I was fat, shirtless and embarrassed in front of my friends. The doctor listened to my heart, turned to his nurse and said,

“Put down obese for this boy.”

I didn’t know what it meant. I thought I had some condition and would have to go into the hospital. Then the doctor explained it to me.

“Do you know what that means? It means you’re too fat!”

My friends got a good laugh out of that and I laughed too…out of relief that I wasn’t dying. I already knew I was fat. Plus it gave the kids a new name to call me because “Fat Ass” and “Tub o’ Lard” were getting old.

So, after that I tried to lose weight and start living healthier. Of course that was before I discovered beer and cigars, but that’s not what this is about.

What I’m talking about is all of us getting healthy enough not to need medical care. When you see an old “Ford Focus” parked in the “Reserved for Physicians” space, we will be on our way. If we no longer need Health Insurance, the price will come down.

Now, if I’m wrong and the price of Insurance keeps going up, most of us will no longer be able to afford anything except insurance. But, at least we’ll have our health. Doesn’t that term just make you sick?

Thanks to those that came to the March 10th show at the Oaks Theater.

Follow John on Twitter @jknight841