First!!!! If you are reading this between 6am-9am on Friday, February 24th, hurry up and turn on your Pittsburgh area radio to 92.9 FM. You hear some Jagoff-iness!!!!! For those out of town, you can listen live over this crazy new invention called the “INTERNET” here’s the link: LISTEN HERE
On with our story. It seems like every dentist, that has 2 nickles to rub together, currently does a TV commercial about their version of “relaxed” “fearless” “harmless” “sedation” dentistry. We relax you, we massage your toes, we put kittens on your lap, we show pictures of puppies running through a field WHILE WE DRILL INTO YOUR MANDIBLE TO FIX YOUR ROOT CANAL!
It ALMOST makes ya want to beg to see a negative political ad with some half-assed, freeze-framed, googly-eyed picture of the opponent. But not quite!
Then you have ol’ Dr. Monteleone from Katsur, the people that “cater to cowards.” Seems he was ALLEGEDLY taking a few SNIFFS of cocaine out in the parking lot between patient visits… right from his Mercedes dashboard. (full story here on KDKA)
DISCLAIMER
Yes we know drug addiction is serious business and its clear that this guy has a problem, to the point it looks like it has screwed him for his livelihood. But on the other hand, he’s ALLEGEDLY treating patients with a complete disregard during his usage!
Just in case you don’t know, the side effects of using cocaine are:
- an increasing sense of energy and alertness
- an extremely elevated mood
- a feeling of supremacy
- irritability
- paranoia
- restlessness
- anxiety
ANXIETY and RESTLESSNESS hmmmmm… maybe he’s on to something. This is a lesson in CONTRA-marketing techniques. While all of the other dentists are marketing a RELAXING atmosphere, maybe he wants to pitch the opposite…
(Read this in your bestest Robin-Williams-freaking-out-on-the-David-Letterman-Show-voice) HOLY @#@#$!! KATSUR DENTAL!!! YEAH! THAT’S UM (looks at name tag on jacket) THAT’S ME!!!! YOU DON’T WANT TO COME HERE AND WASTE YOUR DAY. COME SEE ME FOR THOSE TEETH YOU CRAZY @#$@#. I’LL BE ALL JACKED UP AND WAITING FOR YA AT THE FRONT DOOR—MAYBE EVEN MEET YOU IN THE PARKING LOT. WE’LL THROW YOU INTO A CHAIR. WE’LL SLAP SOME STUFF IN YOUR MOUTH. DRILL THE @#$# OUTTA YOUR TEETH. FILL THEM AND, BOOM, YOU’LL BE OUTTA HERE AND BACK TO WORK WITHIN 7.234 SECONDS. NOW THAT’S NOT JUST FAST, THAT’S SUPER, SUPER FAST. WHO THE #$!%& NEEDS TO RELAX? NOT ME! KATSUR, WE CATER TO PEPSI FANS AND COKE FANS!
Hey ol’ Doc M… while all of this is alleged, we hope the best for you. In the meantime, we feel bad for all of the patient’s that might have noticed your edgy-ness in the past. We really feel bad for the ones that you probably sweated all over or the ones that experienced the tooth-picker-thingy banging against their teeth from your unsteady I-need-fix hand. We have great idea for you….. when it comes time for an alibi, just say, “I don’t like cocaine per se, it’s like a good pipe or potpourri, it just kind of smells good.”
Good luck with this one…hopefully, if you get found guilty, your cell mate will “Cater to Cowards” Ya Jagoff!!!
Thanks to these two Facebook followers for being our Honorary Jagoff Catchers and prompting us on this story, D. Graham and T. Lindemann!
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