Hockey Jagoffs

Breaking Bad News: Crosby Arrested, Cosby Dead and Bing Crosby Resuscitated

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So do ya think that someone’s gonna lose their intern job at the over-night “death and destruction squad” news desk shift at the Ottawa Sun?  Not only did this get reported to someone but it got vetted (despite not actually happening) then it go posted and tweeted at 3:40am.

In case you can’t read the fine print and haven’t heard the story yet.  Sidney Crosby was reported to have been arrested and detained by the Ottawa police because of a traffic violation in a rented Porsche.  It even said that he had been fingerprinted and mugshotted (not sure that’s actually a word.) See story from KDKA-TV cuz it’s certainly not on the Ottawa Sun page anymore!

Eventually the Ottawa Police Chief confirmed with a statement and a tweet that his department had no interaction with Crosby, at which point, I’m fairly certain that the over-night news desk chump experienced horrible stomach and intestinal cramping knowing, full well, that they were about to become an unemployed news desk chump due to lack of integrity OR a highly-paid sports writer in Philadelphia!

As an aside, the worst thing about this story is that I didn’t even hear about it until I heard Bill Rehkopf and Ken Rice talking about this on the news.. BTW.. that’s the afternoon drive time news!  Was I under a rock all day? Jeeezus! I have to stop getting so engrossed in those DVR’d Today Shows about the Duggars. I can kill an entire day with those!

To close this out, the Ottawa Sun posted a note, of course, apologizing.  And the over-night news desk chump, was seen at the local Gasteroenterologist for uncontrollable intestinal discomfort. (The reported name of said G.I. physician, Dr. Lou Stool) <—– did that all by myself!

So to the over-night-I-can’t-wait-to-get-a-real-news-job-so-I’m-gonna-fast-track-myself-to-fame-on-this-story, good luck with your next job as an over-night burrito and gasoline maitre d’ at your local convenience store.  The weird thing is, everyone jokes about “If I saw it on the internet, it MUST be true.” You’ve changed the rules….”If I PUT it on the internet, it MUST be true!

Sorry that you’ll be unemployed but thanks for the blog material, Ya Jagoff!

 

Read another good article about this on the PensInitiative.com 

The winner of the 2 tickets to “The Chair” Exclusive Premiere Party tonight at 7pm is @AbbyDinges.

@AbbyDinges email us at yajagoff (at) comcast (dot) net for details.

Penguins Beat Blue Jackets – UPMC and Highmark Partnership

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We all know that the bad situations create strange bed fellows.  Sometimes out of adversity comes opportunity.

Last night, during the third period of the Penguins/Blue Jackets game, when the Pens were very close to blowing a 4-0 lead, I received official word from the Vatican that they were permitting swearing and temper tantrums until the end of the game.

And due to the stress of the third period, Highmark and UPMC have decided to jump in and offer assistance to the community. You have 24-hours to redeem the above coupon at any facility.

In the meantime, Let’s Go Pens… and I mean it.. like, LET’S GO… stop playing like that Ya Jagoffs!!

Boston Bruins’ Shawn Thornton

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We’re talking hockey today.  If you don’t like or understand hockey, by the time this blog post is over, you will neither understand hockey or like hockey any more than you do now.

Saturday night, the Penguins went to Boston to play the Bruins.  In the first period:

1) Pens defenseman, Brooks Orpik, takes out a Bruins player with, some say was a questionable, thumping hit.

2) The Penguins’ James Neal appears to knee the Bruins’ “Jagoff in Residence” Brad Marchand while he’s kneeling on the ice. Play stops.

3) The Bruins’ Shawn Thornton is sent to the ice during the play stoppage and slew foots Brooks Orpik to the ground then proceeds to punch him in the face, with his gloves on, and renders Orpik unconscious… and eventually he receives a stretcher ride off of the ice.

The video of the play is below.   The Orpik hit is at the 28 second mark.

All of the stuff listed above… bad.. bad.. and more bad.  But….Shawn Thornton’s Epic-Orpik-Knock-out REAL bad.  Orpik had zero chance to defend himself.

And after that, Boston-CBS Reporter, Matt Kalman wrote an article calling out the Bruins for their goonism… a pretty fair article calling both teams wrong but the Bruins even WRONG-er! (Yes I know that’s not a real word.)  You can see the article here.

If you read it, you will see tons of comments of Boston fans calling this Kalman out.  But the one that dragged my eye down the page, to the point that my eye was sticking to the computer screen, was this comment:

Dave Silva 

time to attack those girly losers in pittsburgh some more. Hey muslims, we have a target for your dirty bomb.

Wait, are you serious?  Hey you illegitimate son of Bill Belichick and a random Salem Witch, are you from the same Boston that everyone supported after being bombed??

To sum this up, Brooks Orpik came home with the Pens that night after a hospital visit.  And one has to believe that he is frustrated beyond belief that he didn’t get to throw a punch at Thornton.  Lots of pent up anger!!!  I pity anyone who cuts Orpik off in traffic, or takes the last mall parking spot away from him or breaths wrong in his general direction.

In the meantime Shawny T… good luck sleeping.. we saw your mea culpa video but not going to publish here on purpose.  Trust me from my Catholic School Days.. guilt is a bitch!  In the meantime, stop watching RoadRuner/Wile E Coyote re-runs… when people get hit like that in real life, they don’t just blow into their thumbs and re-inflate themselves.

If ya want to show Orpik and the NHL you’re sorry, go punch the @#@$ out of that guy Dave Silva how made the “bomb Pittsburgh” comment and even further embarrassed your city, YA JAGOFF!!!