Let’s be honest — Pittsburgh is a beautiful city with ugly parking habits. From stealing spots to blocking driveways like it’s your birthright, the Steel City has its own code of vehicular conduct. Break it, and boom, you’re on the Jagoff List.
Here are the Top 7 Parking Moves that guarantee you a spot in the Jagoffery Hall of Shame.
1. The Parking Chair Snatcher
The only thing more sacred than fries on a salad is the parking chair. If you move someone’s lawn chair, or busted folding chair just to snag their hard-earned snow-cleared spot?
YOU. ARE. A. JAGOFF.
2. The Sidewalk Blocker
Congrats. You parallel parked, but now the elderly lady with a walker and the kid on a scooter gotta detour into traffic because your SUV’s butt is hangin’ out over the sidewalk like it’s on break.
Solution? Back it up like a true Yinzer hero and get off the curb Curby Puckett!
3. The “I Own This Corner” Parker
City ordinance: You can’t park within 30 feet of a stop sign.
Jagoffery ordinance: “But I was just running in real quick.”
4. The Two Spot Taker
Listen. Your car aint a Ferrari. It’s a 2014 Camry. No one’s stealing it. Pull up, straighten out, and stop using two prime spots like you’re parking the historical original Horse-drawn Heinz Pickle cart!
5. The Reverse Zipper Merge at Church Lots
You arrive at a crowded church fish fry or youth baseball game. There’s a field of open space, but instead of parking in a neat row, you park diagonally like a dog laying across your queen sized bed.
6. The Curb Cuddler in Bloomfield
You’re so close to the corner, the pizza guy can’t make the turn. Meanwhile, you’re at brunch posting pics of your ricotta toast, unaware your parallel park job just caused a two-car pile-up and three espresso delays.
7. The Flashers-&-Leave-It Faker
You punch your hazards on in front of a fire hydrant or bus stop and dash into Giant Eagle “for just one thing.” Are you kiddin’ me? Those flashers don’t make you invisible — they’re like a highligher marker or the jagoffestrator pointing you out!
Honorable MentionS:
- Reverse angle parkers in diagonal spaces
- Smart car drivers who park horizontally because they can
What’d We Miss?
Tell us on Facebook or Instagram: What’s the worst Pittsburgh parking move you’ve seen lately?
Use hashtag #HonoraryJagoffCatcher — and we just might add it to the list (with full shaming glory).
Definition of #PeterParkers HERE
John is a Partner at YaJagoff Media, LLC.
