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Big-Box Car Willy

Pittsburgh jagoff blog

Pictured above is someone that probably regrets trading in their SUV for lower gasoline costs.   SUV-UsTa-Bees!   Typically we see this type of clueless-reckless-irresponsible-downright-dangerous-but-perfect-for-Jagoff-content when people are moving, and on the last load, they have no room on their friend’s pickup truck for one last mattress.

But maybe we shouldn’t jump to conclusions and be so judgmental.  Everyone, now and then, forgets their coffee on the car roof (or, in some cases, your Iron City).   We offer 2 possible scenarios:

Possible Scenario 1: 

The driver pictured above went to IKEA where, if you’re trying to decide between purchasing a 2-bottle wall-hanging wine rack or a 25-piece dining room set, it doesn’t matter because everything’s the same basic kit there.  The only difference between the IKEA wine rack and the IKEA 25-piece dining room set is: 4 extra pieces of plastic-coated cardboard, an extra baggie of self-locking thingies and 817 plastic connectors.  Maybe these drivers were so engrossed in deciding which one to build, that they forgot to strap the kit down.


Possible Scenario 2:

The driver pictured above was walking past one of those “international house of weird stuff kiosks in the center of the mall.  The ones where they try to suck you into their evil web of unnecessary conversation?  “May I ask you a question?” or “Can I put some cream on your hands?”  When our blog subjects were confronted by the kiosk-attendant, they panicked and darted into Dick’s,  purchased a treadmill-clothes-hanger-device for NO GOOD REASON other than to have SOME excuse to IMMEDIATELY run in the opposite direction.   In their getaway attempt, they forgot to strap their box down.

Yes?  No?

Hey, Big-Box-Car-Willy, we hope you’re not bridge re-builders!!!  Some simple advice, before your car ends up flipping a wheelie like the Flintstone mobile with Dino in the back seat, pay the $35 dollars for delivery, Ya Jagoffs!

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