Lent is to help Christians cleanse their minds, hearts and souls of inequities so that they can focus on the resurrection of Jesus which is celebrated on Easter Sunday. So here’s a time line:
(note: I survived eight years of Catholic School)
Fat Tuesday: This is the day before Ash Wednesday (which I will explain next). Basically it is a day to go out, drink, stuff your grocery hole as much as possible and get crazeeee with your friends because for the NEXT 40 days, you have to be good.
Ash Wednesday: If you’re not hung-over or sick from your pig-out and you are lucky enough to wake up in your own bed, you find a way to go to church and get ashes put on you’re forehead. Most folks search for the church that gives JUST ashes as opposed to the churches that make you sit through an entire mass to get them. Some churches have even offered drive-thru ashes this year. Also, if you’re ashamed at work, you kind of find a way to say you ACCIDENTALLY wiped them off while thinking about that big project!
Lent: If you play by the rules, for the next 40 days you decide to give up some vice. You do this to repent for all of the sins you committed since LAST EASTER! If you’re smart, this is a chance to RENEW that “failed” New Years commitment of losing weight by giving up eating in between meals or late-night snacks. One other note, if you’re REALLY SMART, you realize that the Catholic rules allow you to go off the wagon on Sundays and go back to your vice for a day.
Holy Friday: If you’re in Catholic School you LOVE this day because you get the day off. If you’re a public school kid, you hope that Easter Break starts before this but your mad that your Catholic buddies get the day of to go skiing or sty home gaming.
Easter Sunday: You are done FASTING or SACRIFICING and you get back to your old habits!!! You stuff yourself with chocolate and jelly beans – because you want to celebrate a Christian Holy Day just like they did back in Jerusalem when they found the stone rolled back and the tomb empty… gorging yourself with buttered-popcorn-flavored jelly beans and eating hard boiled eggs full of dye!
By the way, here’s some jagoffery you can play on the Easter “church-ins.” (the peeps that go to church once a year.)
Happy Lent! Here’s to the next 40 Friday’s of smelling like fire department and church fundraiser fried fish, Ya Jagoffs!
