Just in case you don’t know, this is downtown Pittsburgh during rush hour. The lane where the cars are parked is SUPPOSED to be used to help everyone ESCAPE from work at the end of the day.
Given that Mayor Peduto is thinking “outside the box on other situations,” I’m thinking a very creative solution for this issue. If you’ve been to the Kennywood, you know that between stops for Potato Patch Cheesey Fries and a Corn Dog, is the Raging Rapid ride, and you’re gonna love this!
I say make a downtown amusement ride out of this situation.
SOLUTION:
Allow people to rent junky cars that, during rush hour, would be allowed to purposely bounce into the cars that are illegally parked in the curb lane… just like the Raging Rapid boats. Then, when the parked drivers get out of their car to yell and make a fuss about being hit, there are people who’ve paid to be up on that yellow bridge with water balloons and water guns, no wait, WATER CANNONS, that soak the HELL out of these illegally parked drivers! Who WOULDN’T pay to do that!
Hey, Curbies, we realize that you probably have VIPs-to-pick-up-that-can’t-walk-to-the-next-corner-Or-that-can’t-get-their-hair-wet-Or-have-empty-bowls-from-the-Friday-LETSGOPENS-office-party-Or-have-leftover-birthday-cake-in-a-flimsy-box THEREFORE making you believe that you are special and SHOULD be permitted to sit in this lane, cuz you have your flashers on, BUT…….
The rest of the people want to get home, so find a new pick-up spot, Ya Jagoffs!!!!
Rachael Rennebeck is a Pittsburgh jagoff (the term of endearment version of jagoff of course) who cofounded YaJagoff Media, LLC. With decades of experience eating, drinking, shopping, living, and being among yinzers, we birthed the Pittsburgh-centric company encompassing all things related to the 412, oh, and the 724.
