March Madness Defined for Pittsburghers – The Mon Wharf Parking


So we are all in the middle of this thing called March Madness.  To most, it means basketball and and gambling on college basketball games based upon the statistics you think you know, or that you’ve calculated with your buds after a night of drinking or based upon the team names or colors, i.e, you like cats so you choose all of the teams with cat-like nicknames to be in the Final Four.

But, for some Pittsburghers, March Madness means gambling on whether it is worth the chance to park your car at the Mon Wharf on this particular day…. or is THIS the Spring day that the Monongahela River will suddenly rise and your car will get washed away to the Mississippi where, eventually, someone will probably dry it out and sell it at fullmblue-book value without your knowledge.

As most life-long Pittsburghers,  never think TWICE about how crazy it is to have parking right next to a river with absolutely ZERO protection!!!

A totally objective observer might process the Mon Wharf Parking area like this:

There’s a cemented, flat area inside the downtown triangle… the triangle where parking is somewhat limited

It’s at the edge of the river

It’s a mere 3 feet above the normal river level

With a large amount of precipitation, the river rises sometimes with warning, and sometimes not

Despite all of those points, someone chose to make that area a full-time PARKING LOT!!!!!!  Even MORE crazy, downtown workers choose to park there despite all of those points.

What does that say about all of us?

Question:  Drunk or sober, if you’re a guy and you pee’d on an electric fence and received the shock of your life, drunk or sober, would you ever pee on an electric fence again or would your brain be conditioned to avoid the electric fence for the rest of your life?

Along with that mode of thinking, if you parked your car at the Mon Wharf and, even 1 time, had to hurry up and leave work to move your car OR, even worse, find your car partially under water, would you ever park your car AGAIN at the Mon Wharf?

The answer for most seems to be “Yes.” (Especially on a heavy rain day and your still driving the Ford Escort that you drove 10 years ago.)

Keep this story in mind the next time you poke fun at the people in the plains that build new houses every few years due to hurricanes and we all say, “Why would anyone continue to live there?

Thanks for reading.  Good luck in your brackets, Ya Jagoffs!!!


A Truly Unique Peter Parker!



Not much to add to this pic from Penn Hills!  Of course, I used the Jagoff-estrator to point out the fire hydrant that this Peter Parker seemed to miss despite the fact that it is bright yellow with an orange top and there’s not a thing higher than it, in the this-has-been-the-longest-winter-ever brownish grass field!

Maybe the car is part dog and it has to take a pee???

To repeat our Jagoff Catcher, “The whole street is open and ya pick the exact spot of the fire hydrant to park,” Ya Jagoff!


Thanks to @jayempea from Instagram for being the Honorary Jagoff Catcher!

Colonoscopy Day



I mean really.. what else needs to be said?

I clean myself out. I go into a doctor’s office where they know the misery that I have been through to this point and the misery that I will endure during the procedure and the post-procedure flatulence that any bachelor party attendee would pay to have!!

I-pods are now the size of watches…can we not get some kind of smaller camera for the butt-light, Ya Jagoffs?