Guest Blog Post- Pens Fans “Jags”

YJ-PensandthePen

A guest blog post from Luke Bruss (Pens and the Pen on Facebook)

Luke

Being a Penguins season ticket holder, is like being part of a family. I’m sure it’s the same for any sport, especially in a city that’S as passionate about its teams like we are. Your seat neighbors become friends, and the shared experiences along the emotional ride that is hockey season forms a bond. So too, do the various displays of jagoffery that all of us endure. The following is a list of some of the most frequent offenders.

The Stoneface Jag: They sit there just blankly staring at the ice. Whether it’s a big hit by Robert Bortuzzo, a beautiful save by Fleury, or an eye-popping and mumps-free goal by Sid they sit there like a zombie. Now I am REALLY loud at Consol (if you’re ever in 212 listen for a long, loud “LET’S GO PENS!” when the lights go out) but I can’t carry the whole section. Even worse; sometimes they get annoyed with my enthusiastic antics…which only makes me louder. Jagoffery reciprocated, pal.

The Profane Jag: We’re all guilty of letting our emotions get the best of us and letting some potty mouth come out. It happens; no big deal. But the Profane Jag takes it to another level…think Ralphie’s dad from “A Christmas Story”. Despite being surrounded by small children F-Bombs and Bullsmoke galore. When I am with a buddy, or my dad, or someone who is old enough to drive, I honestly don’t care. But have some consideration for the parents around you that do.

The Pigpen Jag: This one is tough to deal with; no one wants to be the jagoff who points out others’ lack of hygiene. But when you’re going to be sitting in close proximity to dozens of fans, please don’t smell like rotten meat and dirty feet.

The Early Riser Jag: This is the person that feels compelled to walk down the aisle during gameplay, and obstructing everyone’s view. Listen to the pregame announcement of the house rules and don’t stand up until a whistle.

The Jagoffs Leaving Early: These are the people who spend hundreds of dollars per game, and leave with 5 minutes (or more) left in the third period. It doesn’t matter if we’re winning or losing; close or blow out. They always do the March Of The jagoffs.

The Leaner Jag: This is the type of jagoff that’s the bane of our hockey fandom. They get seats in the very front row and feel entitled to use half of their seat. I understand that some don’t realize that they’re blocking the view of others behind them. This isn’t about them. This is about the repeat offenders who always lean during every game. (I’m looking at you, guy in the Bud Light Party Zone jersey).

It’s not the end of the world if you are one of these jags. But the next time you’re at Consol be prepared to scream loudly (but cleanly), stay seated until the whistle, and for God’s sake, SIT BACK, YA JAGOFF!

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Amazon.com is the Anti-Christ and a New Computer Keyboard

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Some of you haven’t worked a full week of actual work for about 2-3 weeks.  Today, you are faced with Monday and, more than likely a 5-day work week.  On top of that, there’s no Steelers football, thus, no Black-and-Gold and Pot-Luck Friday (i.e, a day of work that is not really a day of work  because you’re too busy coordinating the crock pot and veggie tray set-up and tear-down).  So, the keyboard button above can be utilized as needed.

By the way, if ya did work the holidays keeping us safe, happy and healthy, THANK YOU!

In the meantime, I have identified the next threat to my own New Year resolutions AND civilization as we know it… Amazon.com.

As you may know, just before Christmas, I published a book based on this blog, Above the Fries.  It is available on, of course, Amazon.com.  Mind you, until the book, I basically new how to spell Amazon.com and new that it was not a place to look at scary large women.  That’s the extent of my experience.

Because of the book, I opened an Amazon.com account.   And there ya have it, the fall of my New Years resolution and civilization as we know it…. you can sit in a reclining chair, on a couch, in your bed or stand in a New Years Eve rush checkout line… and order ANNNNNYYYYYYYYYTHING!  Including exercise equipment that you will hang your new Christmas clothes on.

My fear….because of Amazon.com, I am going to become “that guy” that doesn’t realize that he’s getting larger each day and, eventually, has to have a wall of his house removed to extricate him for transport him to bariatric surgery.  I’m close to it already… I’ve ordered at least one item every other day since Christmas and, somehow, we suddenly have zero Christmas cookies left!!!

Maybe it’s good that there’s no Black-and-Gold and Pot-Luck Friday.. cuz, if there was, I might have to go on Amazon.com and order a 3XL Terry Hanratty jersey for the party.

Get to work, YaJagoffs!

If ya happen to be wanting to enter the Amazon vortex… you can order the book by clicking below.

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What is Leg-Lamp Night on Christmas?

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Last week we invited yinz to submit your Holiday Story traditions.  

Mary MacAnellen our buddy from the MaryMac Bakehouse submitted this story.  Hope you enjoy it. Feel free to SHARE.

We will be back to Jagoff Catchin’ Monday.

We live in the middle of No Where. Seriously. Our house is on a hill in the wind. Farmed fields are across the road from us and stretch on for a long way. We can see the weather coming when it’s hours away. We always have wind. Always. I’m talking kite flying, hat blowing off, bone chilling wind.

We put an addition on our house that included a front porch with the idea that we could have Christmas Lights. You know what wind does to Christmas Lights? It blows the bulbs right out of the sockets! Wreaths? Ha! They wind up in the woods! Garland? Rips the tinsel right out of the rope!Bows?

They spin around like pinwheels!  We were left with no decorations for Christmas.

Then, one day, I came upon a full sized Red Rider Leg Lamp! It’s the real deal, just like the major award from the movie! It arrived 8 years ago and has been in our front window ever since. Now, from it’s protected location in the living room window, the soft glow of electric sex can be seen by the very few passers-by who travel our road. We use it as a beacon to guide guests to our house “Just look for the Leg Lamp in the window!” we say.

And every year, on the first day of December, we celebrate Leg Lamp Light Up Night, when the Lamp is officially turned on to start the Christmas Season.

Click on “Mary’s Buns” to find out where to get them.

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