Feeling Lucky?

Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me” by Comedian John Knight

Let me just say it’s been a strange and trying year. A lot of what many would consider to be unlucky events happened to me. I bring this up because as I write this I’m in a casino on Friday the 13th. I know a lot of people wouldn’t be caught dead in a gambling venue on an unlucky day like this. Of course if you consider yourself an unlucky person, you might think this could be your day.

Most of the things that went wrong for me this year were based on making the wrong decisions. Events would come up on the same date and I would have to choose between the two. Each time I was wrong. It really started to get to me. Maybe I should have put my underwear on backwards before making my choice.

Wearing clothing inside out is a superstitious belief said to bring good luck. That’s why you see people wearing their ball caps inside out at baseball games. They call them rally caps. Do they really work? Scientific studies have proven that wearing your clothing inside out doesn’t change the outcome but only makes you look like an idiot.

People that believe some ritual they perform in some way affects the score of a game are the ones that really need help. If you’re at the game and making noise, it can have an influence. If you’re painting your face to watch the Steelers at home, you really need to get a life.

Face it what you wear, rub or touch, and you really shouldn’t be rubbing and touching things while watching football, does nothing. After a loss, when they are interviewing the players, you never hear one of them say,

“I think things really started to go downhill when Doogy couldn’t find his lucky shirt.”

The Steelers haven’t won six Super Bowls because of your lucky troll doll. Do you think the people in Cleveland aren’t trying the same superstitious rituals? What has it gotten them? They’re still Cleveland.

Note: The Steelers better win this week or I open myself to ridicule from Cleveland people, which is very unlucky.

I have to admit when things kept going wrong this year, I had to question if I was cursed. Did a black cat cross my path? Did I walk under a ladder? Did I spill the salt? Do these sound ridiculous to you? Of course many people believe in superstition and are throwing salt over their shoulder as they read this. I mean how can any of these bring bad luck? Sure, if you’re one of the Three Stooges, walking under a ladder will result in a paint can upside down on your head. But, the other ones do nothing.

Why is Friday the 13th considered unlucky? It’s Friday after all, TGIF. You would think Monday the 13th would be much worse. Mondays always suck, no matter the date. There are a lot of theories as to why the number 13 is considered unlucky. One of the most popular is that Judas was the thirteenth guest to arrive at the last supper. Although, when you think about it, Judas really wasn’t the one that had the worst things happen after that night.

Most hotels don’t have thirteen floors because of this ridiculous superstition. They go from twelve to fourteen. Where did thirteen go? Fourteen is really thirteen, so it’s unlucky. Maybe if you wear your pants backwards while staying there, things will balance out.

One of the first apartments my wife and I lived in was number 13. We didn’t really think anything of it. There was one night when we were having a party. A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless because he reads this column, was dating a lot of different women. Some of them could be considered a little strange.

Anyway, the party was going on when our intercom buzzed. It was my friend and in the background you could hear a woman going into hysterics because she couldn’t go into apartment 13. She kept saying it was evil and she would never go in there. Those of us inside decided that was probably best for all. We were on the third floor and really didn’t need the intercom to hear her in the lobby downstairs.

We had a lot of good times in apartment 13, some of the best times in my life.  I don’t really remember anything bad happening when we lived there. That is except for the time the police came. Turns out there was psychotic woman having tantrums in the lobby, all because she didn’t want to go into apartment 13. Aside from that everything was good.

So, what I’m saying is that things just happen. Sometimes they’re good, sometimes bad. It’s not because of some number or ritual or what we are wearing. They just happen. At the very least, if we all realize superstition is nonsense, we will see less people acting like morons during sporting events. Yeah I know,  good luck with that.


Follow John on Twitter @jknight841

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Was This a Police Chase Scene?


yj-mountwashington_noArrowGot this from Instagram.  This was the message:

Not one but two #PeterParkers in Mount Washington.

New here and don’t know why we call them #PeterParkers?  Click here-? What are #PeterParkers?

Is this a parallel parking problem?  Is it an scalene triangle parking problem? (Don’t worry, I had to google scalene too!  I ain’t that smart!)

Maybe their filming one of those movie scenes here in Pittsburgh and Robert Redford or Tom Cruise is inside one of those houses.  Even MORE important, maybe there was a “Hey  I’m outta beer and there’s still a half to go in the Steelers game” emergency and the buds all came racing over with some…. well….cold “Buds!”  Maybe these are the people that drive the inclines up and down the Mount Washington hillside and they don’t really know how to do straight lines on their own without a set of chains.

Hey Pair-of-Peter-Parkers-Who-Parked-Pretty-Poorly, if you’re visitors, we now know it. Clearly your used to parking on 8 lane wide streets in your neighborhood.  If you live in those houses, ya might wanna take stock in tail-lights and back bumpers and NEVER consider a move to some tight-street neighborhood like Bloomfield, YaJagoffs!


Thanks to @SwongBWong on Instagram for being the Honorary Jagoff Catcher today.



Thank GAWD There Was A Wall Back There


What day was it?  Whew! Thank goodness there was a wall for a REAL back stop!  The message on the tweet said,

saw this park job at the doc office… this is a reserved for docs spot…

So if it was an OB/GYN doctor, maybe that’s a true “baby bump?”  Let’s just hope that this is not an optician’s office!!

The BUMP in the back of the car is a reaction to the JERK behind the wheel, Ya Jagoff!


Thanks to The Holiday Cafe on Twitter for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher for today.