Jun 14 2013
Say what you want about people from Cleveland but, I am on their side here! I just happen to be in Cleveland and, damned if I don’t find a Jagoff story here and its NOT a Browns fan!
And say what you want about cats – love ‘em or hate ‘em – they are still living creatures shooting them, in front of little kids, is Jagoffery.
See the entire story here but below are the bullet points:
Lady finds stray kittens in her yard that are full of fleas and making a mess.
Lady calls the Human Officers of North Ridgeville, Ohio (suburb of Cleveland) for help.
Humane Officer shows up. Says the kittens have to go to “Kitty Heaven” because shelters are full
Lady had figured that.
Humane Officer pulls out his gun and shoots the kittens while the lady that called and her KIDS see watch him do it 15 feet from their house!
I STILL have Catholic-guilt-nightmares today from when I was a kid and took the lights off of lightning bugs to make rings on our fingers!!! Cannot imagine what kind of dark soul this guy was to do this RIGHT THERE!!! He couldn’t have put them in a box and handled this in a field????
Well, we think that this deserves a page from the book, “Revenge of the Cat” by Claude Balls (not an actual book but a REALLY funny name of an actual Facebook page with ONE “Like.”) And since it’s not a real book yet, let’s start writing it:
Chapter 1: The feline fiend is arrested
Chapter 2: The feline fiend is de-clothed and sprayed with that stinky oil from 100 cans of tuna
Chapter 3: He is then taped into a cardboard box – exposing only his toe nails and finger nails
Chapter 4: He is DE-CLAWED without sedation (Yep, we REALLY liked that movie, “Law Abiding Citizen”)
Chapter 5: 92 cats (92 for James Harrison type of intensity) get to repeatedly jab their claws into his cuticles and those recessed corners of his exposed nail beds – you know, those little groves like where you get ingrown toe nails?
Chapter 6: We call the police and have them haul your scratch-post-arse off to some open field. (You see, because we are humans, WE would NOT actually just shoot you in front of your kids!)
Sure, it may sound like I am a highly trained, ruthless sado masochists expert from the Guantanamo Bay, but I’m not…..I’m just someone that did 8 years of hard time in a Catholic School with nuns. So, “HUMANE OFFICER,” you better hope a starving vulture finds you before any of the rest of us do, YA JAGOFF!!
Contact Leslie Mehalek, of Nana Cat’s Soy Candles fame, to order a candle. When you do, say (or write), “I’d like to buy a candle, YA JAGOFF!”
(Don’t worry, she will take it as a term of endearment!)