After-Mass Driver Jagoffs

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So let’s play a game.

What is that building in the picture above?

Answer: A church.

What does that church represent as far as the people in side?  (Be nice… just play along)

Answer: People that do and think good, goodness and kindness.

So given that, what in THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE hell happens to these people once church lets out and they are all trying to get home to see the Steelers kickoff or get the last close-to-the-front-door parking spot at Eat n Park????  They all be come violent nuts edging each other out of the parking lot merging spots, beeping at the guy that’s pulled up front to let granny and her walker get in the car and throwing up hand signals.

Seriously… I am just trying to get home without any dents in my fenders!  Breakfast is served 24 hours.

Take your damned turn.  This doesn’t have to be a MASS CASUALTY incident, Ya Jagoffs!!  (like how I did that?)

 

 

A True Soda Jerk, I Mean, Jagoff! (I Mean POP!)

This can happen anywhere you find a “free refills” soda fountain.  I just happened to have this happen at an Arby’s and didn’t have the guts to click a pic of the person who I am about to talk about.  Too close for comfort—-even for me!

List of Events:

1)  Lady in front of me orders food and drink.

2) Lady in front of me gets empty cup to go fill at the soda fountain machine.

3) I order my food and drink.

4) I get an empty cup to go fill at the soda fountain machine.

5) I go to soda fountain machine to get some pop.

6) All events now come to a SCREEEEEEEEEECHING HALT.

It seems that the lady in front of me has to make sure that she fills her cup to the very top to get her money’s worth.  Tssssssst! The machine fills her cup and she lets the foam die down. Tsssst, tssst!  I couple of shorter soda bursts pops the foam bubbles and fills the cup ALMOST to the top.  Tsssst, Tsst, Tsssssst! Whoa.. gotta spill some foam out. Tsssst, tssst!  Almost to the top but not quite. (One more shot.) Tsssssssst!  Ooops got some on her hand (wipes hand on pants).  Tssssst! FULL!!!!

Now she stands right in front of the machine with her food tray and purse, elbows spread out like a roller derby babe, as she tries to squeeze the lid on the cup without losing any overflow!  Nobody behind her can get a drink.  This lady is officially doing  a COKE-Block on us (Funny, huh?)

(Yes!  We know it’s a Pepsi machine photo and we said Coke-block. Pepsi-block just didn’t work.)

Tsssst! Tssssssssst! Tsst! Tssssssssst!  Spill.  Tsssst! Tsssssssssst! Tst! Tsst!  Sip, Tsssssst!  Add more ice, Tsssssst! Tst!  Poke floating ice with finger, lick finger, Tst!  Apply lid, spill some, oops, spilled too much, Tssst! Tssssssst!  Apply lid. Insert straw.  Sip loose pop, that leaked out around the straw, from top of lid.  (Are you feeling as frustrated as we felt yet?)

Hey lady, it’s FREE REFILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You DON’T have to stand there and empty the fountain tanks into your cup to feel like you’re getting over on the restaurant while the rest of us look on as if we were watching a Latte Artist.

How about THIS unselfish thought….drink what you have, get out of everyone else’s way and ONLY come back when you NEED more pop, Ya Jagoff!!!!

Yakkin With Ya Jagoff – Frank Nicotero

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Welcome to another “Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff!” segment.

We are yakkin’ Pittsburgher, comedian, game show host, America’s Got Talent warm-up guy, Frank Nicotero.  I was late, he brought his dog, we got screwed on downtown parking.  But wait… we get to see him on the show Wipe Out!

Click the photo above to watch if the video doesn’t appear below.

Follow Frank on Twitter @FrankNicotero

Watch Frank’s Demo Reel on YouTube HERE

THANKS TO:

For the production!

Special thanks to Arcade Comedy Theater for hosting us!

ArcadeTheater