Commercials

Apr 24 2012

“We’ll Save YOU a Lot of Money!” (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

(Click here if you are from aht of tahn and NOT familiar with this TV commercial)

This one’s a little rocky cuz it involves what looks to be a nice family havin’ some fun.  Just like havin all of your kids being a part of the outgoing voice mail message at home: “HI!  This is John, Amy, Little Jack, Rita, Elizabeth and (someone says in a dog voice) Spot.  We’re not able to take your call so…..”  You get it. Cute but NOT ALWAYS enjoyable after the first 10 listens!

We’re not sure WHO to call out on this one – the girl and dad OR the marketing group that STOLE their money by advising them that it was a “CATCHY” thing to yell at TV viewers!!  Bottom line, to whomever’s in charge, STOP SCREAMING!!!!

Your marketing money would be better spent on a generic jingle, singing “High, high, quality at low, low prices!”  that would stick in our heads and aggravate everyone far LESS.  And lay off the high-energy-Venti, Mocha, High Caffeine, Lotta-Crappa-In-A-Cuppa’s.  And, by the way, we were afraid to look but,  is your company’s Facebook, Twitter and Web page built in ALL CAPS, Ya Jagoffs?????

 

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By Jagoff Catcher • Commercials • 0 • Tags: , ,

Jan 27 2012

The Last Time We Filled Up.. I (ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem)

OK.. it has taken us a while to pull the trigger on this one.   Watch the video.

(No seriously, watch the video… you may have to turn your sound up a little bit.)

This is where it gets a little petty and dicey cuz this is obviously someone’s dad/husband/uncle but HERE IT COMES:

Do you find yourself clearing your throat EVERYTIME that commercial comes on? 

Oh man!  We know he can’t help it but, the Kermit-with-helium thing just doesn’t work to sell gas, does it?  Well, we don’t blame the guy, we blame whomever put him in the commercial.  Is there nobody else that they could have chosen to deliver those lines?  Or does Giant Eagle just want to reward “Tom”for being a “good guy,”  by putting him in a commercial, because he is LITERALLY the only guy in the Pittsburgh area that DOESN’T show up at the GetGo pumps with an SUV dangerously packed to the ceiling with empty 2-gallon gas cans when he earns more than 80-cents/gallon off!

But wait…. we discovered the Giant Eagle evil secret!  You’ve heard of subliminal advertising, right?

As it turns out, Giant Eagle has found that, when people watch this commercial, they start to clear their throats, over and over as they watch this commercial (ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem, ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem).  Sometimes they run the same commercial back-to-back (ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem, ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem, ahem, a-HEM, ahahahahem, ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem). 

The next thing ya know, you think you have a sore throat and you’re running out to the Giant Eagle Pharmacy to grab a box of Sucrets or Hall’s Menthol Cough drops.  And while you’re at the store, you’re like, “Oh Hell!  I better get some TheraFlu and some NyQuil cuz if I’m getting sick, I don’t want to have to come back out.  Wait, oh, Ginger Ale is on sale?  I better get three of ‘em.  PopTarts!  I forgot them last Wednesday, I’ll grab some now.  Oh, shoot!  I need milk too.  And since I’m gonna be sitting around sick for a few days, I better grab a couple of these magazines to read.”  Then you say to yourself, “JESUS, I only came here for some cough drops and NOW I need one of those baskets to carry all this stuff!”

Giant Eagle, we’re on to you guys!  And now we have published your evil ways. On the same token, we’re up for making some money through this blog soooooooooooooo here’s OUR idea.  You give us $100 per month.  Then, in every blog post from this point on, we will print, ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem, ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem and ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem, ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem, ahem, a-HEM, ahahahahem, ahem, aheeem, ahahahahem throughout the post.

Hey Giant Eagle, the GOOD NEWS is, your commercial is NOT as irritating as those screaming dad and daughter “We’ll save YOU a lot of money!” travesties, Ya Jagoffs!

 

Here’s a new SPECIAL ITEM.  Click the pick to find it on our store!

 

 

 

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By Jagoff Catcher • Commercials • 2 • Tags: , ,

Dec 9 2011

How About Some Fake Pittsburghese!!

Watch this video before you do read further!

Have you seen these ridiculous attempts at patronizing Pittsburghers??  We haven’t seen this kind of patronizing since Jaromir Jagoff told Mario that he wanted to come back to the NHL only as a Penguin!

And what are these two girls doing?  Hopefully not using this commercial for their acting demo reel because, if that’s the case, the only place they MAY get a job is replacing that crazy son-of-a-bee, Gary Busey, in those Century III Chevrolet TV spots after he actually passes out.

Here’s the SAD part.  Beano’s must have held some type of on-line auditions for these roles and, as the video below reveals, the two girls that actually ended up in the commercial must have been the CREAM of the submarine juice crop!

Watch this lady.  (The funny part is at the end when she is trying to use Pittsburghese “an’nat.”) 

Haaaa..haaaaa.. haaaa!!  Seriously!  What in theeeeeeee hell is that Pittsburgh-southern twang? (You may have to watch it again.)

This lady has NO IDEA how to say, “An’nat!”  And the hotty-mess she is trying to exude is completely overshadowed by her attempt to process Pittsburghese as a Beverly-Hills-Houswife-Transplanted-From-Atlanta.  Honestly, don’t you want to watch it again?  It’s kind of like a car wreck and 98 year-old cleavage, you just HAVE to look!!!

But wait.. we have more….check out her warm up video to her actually audition FAIL.

Is that slow head-bob and lip pucker, coupled with the complete lack of a clue on how to talk Pittsburghese not one of the funniest things you’ve seen?  When she pops up out of nowhere to deliver the southern fried version of “an’nat” it’s absolutely oooh-I-might-actually-slip-out-a-fart funny! (If you’re not rewinding those two videos and crying from laughter, you need to go hang out with some puppies and kittens and regain some connection to your emotional side!)

But let’s get back to Beano’s.  What did they pay these actors, free government cheese?  We’ve seen third-grade Catholic School ”How the Pilgrims Got Here On the Mayflower” productions with higher budgets.  The only thing missing in the production are construction paper hoagies, colored with crayon, glued to broom handles dancing in the background!  Wait!  Maybe they got a Group-On deal for video production AND actors.

Hey Beano’s-Buffoons, those two girls, with their thumbs in their pockets, who look like they haven’t had a hoagie in their entire life, bobbing their heads saying, “We put Beano’s on our HO-gees an’nat” might actually be more blatantly patronizing than the old-guy-on-the-farm-I-love-Range-Resources-cause-now-Mable-can-go-to-bingo spots.  But here’s the key, Beano’s, at least THEY had the sense to USE real Pittsburghers, Ya Jagoffs!!!

Thanks again to all of our guest bloggers over the past 10 days!!!!  Tomorrow, Quotes On the Bus returns to it’s regular Saturday post and we’re back to posting every Monday, Wednesday and Friday as of next week.

 

 

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By Jagoff Catcher • Commercials • 1

Nov 18 2011

Wendy’s “New” Dave’s Hot And Juicy HONORS Dave Thomas. REALLY??

We have quite a few posts under the COMMERCIALS category on the right.  Check them out.  But not while you’re at home on your own time, do it on work time.  Getting paid to read our stuff HEIGHTENS the amusement!  Today’s post isn’t REALLY about someone making the rest of us Pittsburghers “look bad” but it sure highlights marketing people that think we’re stoooooooopid!

Click on the video above before you read further. (Don’t roll your eyes and pass this.  WATCH THE VIDEO!  It’s only 31 seconds, ya impatient Jagoff!)

It just seems that common sense goes out the window when marketing people are trying to make a sale.  So goes the new burger at Wendy’s, the Dave’s Hot N’ Juicy Burger, which, according to a Huffington Post article, has been in development for 2 entire years.  The key thing is, in the video above, Wendy tell us that this new burger has been created to honor her dad.

The new burger has extra cheese, a thicker beef patty (two of them), high fat mayo and A BUTTERED BUN!!!

Here’s the kicker.  Anyone remember that good ol’ Dave had a heart attack in 1996?  Here’s his quote from after the big scare:

….. I followed most of the doctor’s orders, especially over the last few years. I added exercise to my schedule – I enjoy a good walk – and I started watching what I eat.

Quote Credit

No he di-int!!  He di-int just say “I started watching what I eat” did he?  Yeppir, he did!!!

Do we really think, with Dave’s quote on eating more healthy, that he would be honored to eat the new burger that has more oil (that’s the burger juice), extra cheese, higher fat mayo and a BUTTERED BUN?  Keep in mind, we’re NOT saying that this burger doesn’t sound OOOGLE worthy.  But what we ARE saying is that, the next thing named after Dave should now be the a new entire wing of heart cath labs at the UPMC Health System or the West Penn Allegheny Hospital System (or both if they don’t get their insurance act together.)

Oh, marketing people you kill us!!!(LITERALLY ON THIS ONE!)  

So Wendy has supposedly decided to HONOR her dad with this new burger that has more heart attack causing tricks than a chain-smoking-bacon-eating-sedintary-Big-Mac!  The key part is her closing line, “it would have made dad MORE than proud, it wold have made him hungry!”

Um.. no!  It would have made him more than proud, it would have made his blood thicker than the Allegheny River after 3 weeks of hard rain and it would have made him GO INTO CARDIAC ARREST from another heart attack after 3 bites, YA JAGOFFS!!!

 

Starting next week you will be able to pre-order one of these in time for Christmas. 

They will be on our store and pre-orders will be taken in order to ship in time for Christmas!!!

Stay Tuned

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By Jagoff Catcher • Commercials • 1 • Tags: , ,

Nov 11 2011

It’s Veteran’s Day – So Why NOT Put Mattresses On Sale

There are a bunch of locally produced TV commercials that deserve posting on this site.  You can see a few if you click on COMMERCIALS in the right-hand column.  But this ranks right up there with those newspaper ads that say, “One Day Only Martin Luther King Day WHITES Sale!”  Really?

If you click on the graphic above, you can watch the video of this 30 second TV commercial.  In case you’re in a hurry, here’s part of the copy:

Mattress Discounters is honoring Veterans Day with 5 incredible days of mattress savings.

Look for unbeatable deals throughout the store!

Latex, Memory Foam, Adjustable Mattresses

Oh… what a great way to honor our Veterans, PUT MATTRESSES on sale!!!  Why not, they’re just like the sleeping conditions our veterans get when they’re deployed – “Latex, Memory Foam, Adjustable Mattresses.” But wait.  So they’re using the day to sell mattresses.  But at least they paying tribute to Vets, right?

Did you watch the commercial yet? (If not, CLICK HERE then take the quiz below.)

OK.. what was missing in the “We Honor Veteran’s Day” commercial?

a) A REAL Veteran

b) A thank you to a Veteran

c) A mention of a discount ONLY if you are a Veteran

d) All of the above

Hey Mattress Discounters, we understand business and self-serving advertising.  After all, look how many times we pitch our silly t-shirts!!!  But, it just doesn’t seem right if we would say, “We’re honoring our Veterans today buy selling our Jagoff t-shirts at a discount!”  Maybe a little better advertising would have been, “Welcome home to a new mattress, vets! For every 5 mattresses we sell on Veteran’s Day, we’re gonna donate 1 to a returning Vet!”

Oh wait, we have it!!!   This should be you’re ad, “We’re honoring our Vets with our new ”feel-like-your-sleeping-on-a canvas-cot-or-a-sleeping-bag-on-a-mound-of-sand-with-dangerous-mortar-fire-blowing-up-in-the-distance” mattresses??  This Veteran’s Day “Special” also includes a free Dyson fan that blows sand into your face, eyes, ears and every other body crevice WHILE you sleep!

As silly as it sounds, it seems a whole lot less exploitive than your 5-day sale “tribute.”  Here’s another ad idea for around Christmas, “If you don’t buy a mattress as a gift for your spouse, PUPPIES MIGHT DIE,”  Ya Jagoffs!

 

By the way, go buy a “Don’t Be A Jagoff” t-shirt by clicking on the pic below.  We actually HAVE sent some free ones to some Pittsburgher millitary staff!  But we mainly sell them to raise money for Breast Cancer Research at Magee Women’s Hospital.

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By Jagoff Catcher • Commercials • 0 • Tags: , , ,

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