May 19 2012

Quotes On The Bus – Week 34

Every Saturday this spot is dedicated to things overheard on one of the Port Authority buses of Allegheny County.  Thanks to the AWESOME Michael Nac, creator of QUOTES ON THE BUS for his posts each week!

“My boys in prison and he wants some pictures of some girls, can you do it bc my girl will see the pics on my phone…but wait till it gets warmer when their butts are hanging out.”

G2

Follow Quotes on the Bus on Facebook HERE and/or Twitter HERE

If you want to contribute your own quote overheard on a bus, send to michaelcnac@gmail.com.

Jim Krenn aLIVE Show

Click the Pic for Info On Guests and Tickets

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By Jagoff Catcher • Quotes On The Bus • 1 • Tags: ,

May 18 2012

Doubletree Internet And Other Things We Don’t Need

This is our last gripe session about our trip to Charlotte this past week.  But, this one REALLY gets us.

Let’s do the old MasterCard commercial:

Cost of staying in the Charlotte Doubletree: $143/night

Cost of dinner at the Charlotte Doubletree:  $10/hamburger

Cost of parking at the Charlotte Doubletree:  Kind of forget but, around $10/day

Cost of me, sitting in the parking lot of a cheaper hotel, eating my Doubletree chocolate-chip cookie, sipping on my free Doubletree coffee and STEALING the cheaper hotel’s FREE internet:  PRICELESS!!!

I enjoyed my stay, and I SHOULD have for those kind of prices.  But the fact that, you give me extra warm chocolate-chip cookies upon check-in, a free razor if I forgot one, free toothbase if I forget some, a free comb if I needed one (I don’t), a free USA Today – which nobody ever reads, free soap, shampoo and hair conditioner, free electricity, free water – despite the fact that I run the HOT WATER for 45-minutes to “shower iron” my clothes after traveling coupled with the fact that your  wireless internet access is simply floating in the air and not a soul has to do ANYTHING to provide me access to it, do you REALLY have to charge $9.95 to use the internet, Ya Jagoffs??????

 

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By Jagoff Catcher • Travel Jagoffs • 4 • Tags: , , ,

May 17 2012

Take Me Out “OF” The Ball Game!

Yep, the words are changed….

Take me out OF the ball game.  Take me out OF the crowd!

Buy me some ciggies, AT LEAST, two packs.  I don’t care if I EVER go back!

So let’s Fight, Fight Fight ’til we’re arrested.  If we don’t win it’s a shame.  For it’s 1, 2, 3 fights and you’re out of the ol’ ball game!

This is another one of those “family stories” that makes ya just want to cry with emotion— an emotion called EMBARRASSMENT!

So father and daughter are enjoying a night together at PNC Park watching the Buccos go for 3 in a row. She ALLEGEDLY decides to have a smoke in her seat which, of course, is a big no-no.

When security tried to escort the daughter to the office for refusing to stop smoking, she got a little cranky.  Her, her Jag-of-a-boyfriend and her Dad-of-the-Year father ALLEGEDLY start WWE’ing the security guard.

The thing became sort of a “Texas Cage Match” as the security guard got pushed up against a fence and had his middle finger got ripped off. (Fortunately it was re-attached cuz we think he’s gonna want it once he faces the dad and daughter at the trial.)

Finally authorities get this honey-bunny in handcuffs, get her to the holding cell at the ballpark and she ALLEGELDY proceeds to spit on and kick the police.

Note to self: If you’re wrong, just admit it and and say you’re sorry.  In this case, if the security person at PNC Park says you gotta go then, guess what?  That doesn’t mean jump on his back!

BTW, there’s no truth to the rumor that these folks had purchased the new “Frank Coonelly All-You-Can-Drink-and-Drive” ticket.

Hey you ball-park-frank-cranks, FYI, the only time we EVER want to see smoke from our PNC Park seats is if they’re from the fireworks after a home-run or the fireworks that are set off to give the has-been-rock-band members a chance to breath and pee in between their sets during SKYBLAST concerts!!

What this appears to us is, we have Jagoffery passed along from father to daughter. Uh-oh! SOMEONE NOTIFY UPMC GENETICS!!!!  We may have found a control group to isolate the Jagoff gene!!!

So George family, we want to offer you a movie contract, “Christmas With the Ball Park Frank Cranks!“  In the meantime, how about, if you decide to take in another baseball game, please move to Philly.  You’re style fits right in there, Ya Jagoffs!

See our post from the guy LAST YEAR that caused a mess at PNC Park here.

NOTE:  Just for some fun, we used our Draw Something talents on Rachel and her dad!  We wanted you to see what they looked like as actual baseball fans!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Baseball Jagoffs, News People Jagoffs • 8 • Tags: , , ,

May 16 2012

Double-Dipper Peter Parker Post!

Double Dipper Peter Parkers Picked A Peck of Pickled …..ahhhhh never mind!!

This topic continues to get crazy.  Peter Parkers EVERYWHERE!

What are Peter Parkers?  Well, there’s a nickname for “Richard” that one might use to describe how these people park BUT “Peter” seems like a better word since, this is a family show, AND it flows better ….with Parker so you get, “Peter Parker.”

Now these most recent pics (above) REALLY confuse us.  In the pics above, you’re looking at a mini-van and a Subaru that have no concept of those things called “white lines” in the parking lot.  As a matter of fact, it looks like the mini-van thought it was the “centering point” for parking. (Maybe the driver’s an airpline pilot??)

But the confusing part is, we thought people and mini-vans were sweet, responsible soccer moms and people that drove Subaru’s were “earthy” respecting the planet and all those on it???????  Well, so much for stereotyping!!!!

It’s kinda like those people that go to church for an hour on Sunday…. they’re all nice, holy and caring, UNTIL AFTER CHURCH when their battling for that closest parking spot at Eat ‘n Park!!!  They become raving maniacs at that point!!!

Are these drivers possibly playing the 1/2 priced version of Four-Square called “2-square” and trying to be Mayor in one parking job????

Whatever it is, here’s what we suggest to our followers that find Peter Parkers.

1) Do not get violent

2) Put some kind of note on the car telling the driver that they are about to be famous on some website called, YaJagoff.com.

3)  Take the rest of the day off and hang with a relaxing icy drink on a bench somewhere  within the sight line of the Peter Parked car.  When the Peter Parkers return to their car, photograph their reaction to your note, then, to get out your aggression, use your  THUMB AND POINTING FINGER IN A PINCHING MOTION, to pretend that you are squishing the Peter Parker’s heads.  If you’re REALLY mad, squish their head over and over from many angles, like you were back in the 4th grade and mumble to yourself in a sinister way.

God! It’s better than a stress ball or Tai Chi.

In the meantime, we think we need to go back to the REAL problem of teaching these people how to park.  We say, hire some of those guys that manage those North Side parking lots during Steelers games to work THESE lots during the week.  You know, those guys that charge $45 CASH for every spot you take!

We guarantee that will teach ya how to park in ONLY one spot because, at THAT rate, even a hockey mom who’s only parking skills include pulling into the curb when dropping off junior at the front door of the rink to unload, figures out how to squeeze a vehicle the size of a Ducky Tour Boat  into a spot the size of a Smart Car, Ya Jagoffs!

 

Special thanks to these Twitter Honorary Jagoff Catchers for today’s post:

Evil Dan Bylsma – Subaru, Giant Eagle, Route 8

bschultzjames - Mini-Van, Home Depot, Camp Horne Road

Hey, it’s almost BEACH TIME.. Myrtle, Outerbanks, Jersey Shore.. don’t forget a beach chair that CLEARLY states you’re from Pittsburgh and that this is

YOUR SEAT!!! 

Click the pick to get to the ordering page.

 

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By Jagoff Catcher • Parking Lot Jagoffs • 0

May 15 2012

Overhead Door “Basket Weaver” On I-79

Another trip to Charlotte, NC, another bad-weather drive for some reason!

Last trip to Charlotte, fog and snow.  This trip to Charlotte, fog, snow and THIS guy, cutting in and out of traffic on I-79 in West Virginia.  “Basket Weaving” we used to call it!

A long time ago, we learned to not be over-reactive to these kind of drivers.  For example, when we were teenagers, we drove a priest to the airport in HIS car. After we dropped him off, we were driving home, had another driver cut us off, so,  we gave him the finger. After we PARKED the car we realized the car we had been driving still had a “CLERGY” sign in the dashboard!!

So back to Mr. Overhead-Door-Truck-20-Guy…. he comes up on our right and cut us off as he moves into the left lane.  He squeezes in sooooo close to us that I’m pretty sure he bumped my toe with his fender!  He continued weaving in and out of traffic like as if we were watching the DRIVING version of the Ken Melanie/Jeff Romoff battle.

We tried to catch up to him and get some video but he was driving too crazy, we figured, LOST JAGOFF!

But THEN…. as we were taking an exit to refuel, THERE HE WAS… taking the same exit as us, getting ready to refuel.  So we gave one of those “Hey there friend!” beeps on the horn and, VOILA, he turned for the pic!!! (Not sure why he didn’t smile.)

The Jagoff gods were smiling though, on US… even through the rain and fog!

So Mr. Overhead-Door-Truck-20-Guy, hope the Tom-Cruise-Mission-Impossible-Stunt-Man-Test was fun for ya.

Or wait!  Maybe you had a good excuse like, you had the same Taco Bell burrito 2 exits before that WE had!!!  If THAT’S the case, we hope you didn’t ”Claude Giroux” any little kids or grandpaps on your way to the gas station restroom key.

We didn’t realize that there were such things as garage door installation emergencies but, clearly, you had one that day.  We have, no doubt, that, if your bosses see this, they will be VERY PROUD of how eager you are to service your customers, Ya Jagoff!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Driving Jagoffs • 0 • Tags: , ,

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