Feb 22 2012

“Gus” The Second Most Famous Groundhog In Pa – “RETIRED”

 

In the old steel mill days, to “RETIRE” meant, you had completed many, many years of hard work and you were looking forward to getting a company watch and purchasing your first Cadillac that you could use to meet up with your OTHER retired buddies at McDonald’s for coffee every morning.

In the context of current-day terms and coupled with the names of Jim Krenn (“retired” from WDVE after 20+ years), Bruce Arians (“retired” Steelers Offensive Coach) and now “Gus” the Pa Lottery Spokesperson for the past 8 years (really?  has it been that long?), the word “RETIRED” seems to be somewhat controversial.

Now don’t get us wrong.. we have absolutely no feelings for “Gus.”  As a matter of fact, while he was billed as “The second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania,” we looked at him as probably the “first most CREEPIEST lottery spokesman EVER!”

We’ve done some homework and, it turns out, Steelers President, Art Rooney had “no comment” about Gus’s retirement which makes us suspicious.  Pirates owner Bob Nutting was also pretty tight-lipped which makes us even MORE suspicious.  Is “Gus” going to work for the Buccos and Steelers as an underground groundskeeper??????????  Possibly he will work during games popping up through the game turf and tripping opposing players at in-opportune times.

Here’s some of the corporate speak sparking the controversy:

Executive Director Todd Rucci said at a legislative hearing Tuesday that the television campaign featuring Gus ended this month, although he will still appear on the lottery website for the time being.

Wait!!!  Isn’t that a similar statement to what was said about Jim Krenn at WDVE??????

Speaking of Jim Krenn, here’s another rumor we cannot confirm at press time….

“Gus and Krenn…. Your WACKY Morning Breakfast FLAKES on BOB-FM”

As an aside, one of our fav comments from our lottery post the other day came from “Chip” who said:

“The lottery ticket… the certificate that identifies those that never took a stats class in school.”

Hey PA Lottery, as Gus’s replacement,  we suggest you simply hire someone who transposes numbers occasionally by accident….like some retired accountant with cataracts that will, at times, innocently screw up the decimal point on the promoted prize amount…. i.e.. accidentally lists the prize as $100 million instead of the actual amount of $10 million.  Because it’s not about the spokesperson that makes MOST of us take a chance on the lottery… it’s when the prize gets over $100M that pushes most of us REASONABLE people to become UNREASONABLY CONFIDENT and free up a dollar or two and take a chance, Ya Jagoffs!!!

 

Pittsburgh Irish Shirts (click pic for store)

 

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By Jagoff Catcher • Lottery Jagoffs • 0 • Tags: , , ,

Feb 21 2012

If You Believe There Is A “Hell,” These People Should Be Placed There

What can you say about this story???????????????????????????????????????????

You can click the pic above to get the full story from Trina Orlando, KDKA-TV.  The short story is that 6 year-old Ian has autism and a brain tumor.  He had an early morning appointment at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh so his mother loaded the car the night before with all of his important stuff including medications and a $5,000 wheelchair.

While they were asleep, someone or some group of people, broke into a bunch of vehicles, including Ian’s.  They didn’t STEAL his wheelchair…. they ripped it apart and threw it all over the place. REALLY??????????????????????????????  So they got nothing out of breaking into the car.  They simply ruined the wheelchair and some of Ian’s other stuff including medications.

If anyone deserves to be in “Hell” it’s whomever did this.

Whomever you are, when you are caught (and why wouldn’t you be caught eventually you were stupid enough to tear apart stuff and leave it laying around) we believe that you should have to take care of Ian… feed him, bathe him, help move him around the house, read to him (if you know how to read) and help him go to the bathroom for the rest of your lives.  Some might say, people that would do this kind of evil should not be left alone to take care of a kid like Ian.  We agree.

So, we suggest that a stun-gun needles be permanently implanted into the base of the inside your nostrils (that part where it makes you cry when you pluck out a nose hair), eye lids and the most sensitive portions of your genitalia.  That way, when Ian’s mom thinks you are not treating her son appropriately.. or even if she just feels like she needs some revenge, she can press the button to discharge the stun-gun and keep you in line.

The other thing we believe is that you should be taught a skill… so how about you are taught how to put Ian’s wheelchair back together.  Once it IS back in one piece, Ian’s mother gets to strap you into the wheelchair, hitch the chair AND YOU to the back of her van with a 10-foot rope, and then drive Ian from his house in Scottdale to the Children’s Hospital (about an hour long ride).  By the time you get done bouncing around the concrete in that chair on all of the Western Pennsylvania potholes, there will be pieces of YOU all over the road but, nobody’s going to be able to know how to put you back together.  At THAT point, you’ll be BEGGING Ian’s mom to keep hitting the stun-gun charges so that you don’t feel the pain of your body and face that are 90% covered in brush burns, Ya Jagoffs!!!!!!

Thanks to follower Scott in Lancaster, PA (Formerly from Cranberry Twp)  for sending us this story and being today’s Honorary Jagoff Catcher!!!!

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By Jagoff Catcher • News People Jagoffs • 1

Feb 20 2012

Four Wheel Vehicles On Icy Roads???????

Those of you who follow on Facebook and Twitter know that, yesterday, we drove from Pittsburgh to Charlotte.  During our drive, we pretty much had snow and less-than-optimum conditions from Summersville to the Carolina border as you can see by the photo above.

First, you might be saying, “Why in theeeeeeeeeee hell would you drive to Charlotte from Pittsburgh vs. flying?”  To that we respond, “given the security check time, wait to board time,  baggage fees, just landed in Charlotte wait on tarmac while we wait for a gate to open and we hold our pee time, and the attitudes of some of the USAirways administrators toward Pittsburgh and it’s employees, we felt driving was the better option.”

The COOL part was, while the driving was a bit hary at times, it wasn’t too crazy… FOR THOSE OF US FROM THE NORTH!!!  But those not familiar with these less-than-optimum conditions, well, they didn’t fair so well.

Our favorite exhibit of “drivers that did not fair so well” would be the driver in the white SUV that was tailgating us, almost running over our backs, in the Virginia area on I-77, just before the North Carolina state line.  Given the driving conditions, we could not get a pic of his headlights in our review mirror OR when he passed us after we had a chance to move over safely.  He’s our fav because, about 5 miles after this SUV passed us, we saw the SAME driver in the SAME white SUV sitting perpendicular to the road, TOTALLY stuck in a ditch off to the right side of the road!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haaaaaa…haaaaa.. haaaaaa.haaaaaa. WAIT!  Nobody was injured and no animals were harmed in this scene.  Ok, back to laughing. Haaaaaaa……haaaaaaaaaa….haaaaaaa..haaaaaaaa (snort) haaaa….haaaa… (pinching myself like a second-grader so that I don’t pee-trickle) haaaaaaa……haaaaaaaaaa….haaaaaaa..haaaaaaaa!!!! (eye wipe)

Ya know, there’s just something about four-wheel drive that doesn’t work on icy roads!  And there’s something about four-wheel drive cockiness that doesn’t work on icy roads either.

So, like the fish that was Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig, we have no pic of the guy in the white SUV stuck in a ditch on the side of I-77 after tailgating us.  But, no matter, Mr. Non-OJ-Simpson-White-SUV-Driver, here’s hoping that you had a coat, boots and gloves too keep you warm and some Mancini Bread to snack on while you waited for-EVER for a tow truck.   AND, since we know there no injuries, here’s to hoping that your cell phone battery was DEAD when you tried to call for that tow truck, Ya Jagoff!!!

 

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By Jagoff Catcher • Driving Jagoffs • 2 • Tags: , ,

Feb 18 2012

Quotes On The Bus – Week 21

Every Saturday this spot is dedicated to things overheard on one of the Port Authority buses of Allegheny County.  Thanks to the AWESOME Michael Nac, creator of QUOTES ON THE BUS for his posts each week!

“And all this time, I thought Adele was actually a black man in his 40′s.”  Red Line

Follow Quotes on the Bus on Facebook HERE and/or Twitter HERE

If you want to contribute your own quote overheard on a bus, send to michaelcnac@gmail.com

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By Jagoff Catcher • Quotes On The Bus • 0

Feb 17 2012

Hey! Let’s Play The Lottery!!!

We know that this makes us just sound grumpy and whiny.  However, sometimes we just LIKE to be grumpy and whiny vs. being snarky.

I’m thirsty, I want to get home, I just need a quick drink.  So I pull into a “convenience” store where beef jerky, Vienna finger cookies and PowerAde are more expensive than they SHOULD be but I am supposed to be able to CONVENIENTLY walk in, purchase what I want and leave.

But wait!!!!  Someone wants to play the lottery.  And not just a quick-pick.  It seems that they have had some dreams that equate to some numbers and then they saw a number on a billboard on the way there that made them think of their high school graduation date, but they’re not sure that number is dead on, so they box it and then ask for the number plus one and the number minus 1.  But wait!!!  What are those little cool valentine thingies?  Oh, they’re scratch offs?  They’re cute!  How much are they?  Give me 5, oh wait, I want to play 1 more number so only give me 4 valentine thingies.  Are the Valentine lottery scratch off thingies half off like the valentine candy?  Oh, shoot!  I never played these before…. how many do I scratch off.. how do I win?

But wait on MORE time!!!!! There’s only 1 person working at the counter!!!  So the rest of us who want a newspaper or a 99-cent Arizona Tea and have the correct change must wait while this person goes through their lottery gyrations.

By the way, we get the whole lottery thing.  We’re like a lot of people… we’re on the “401K-Powerball“ retirement plan.. which means you don’t believe a $30 million dollar jackpot is worth a buck but, once it gets over $100 million, you’re looking for lottery-pool partners at work!!!

Not sure who to blame here… the person that thinks they own the counter-time as if they are picking out perfume at Macy’s for a new girlfriend whom they know NOTHING about or the Management of the NOT-SO-CONVENIENT-CONVENIENCE-STORE who puts only one person on duty during rush hour!!!

Either way, Mr. Lottery Guy, the fact that you saw a camel does NOT mean that 4-5-8 is going to hit on the lottery tonight OR any other combination of those three integers.

And Counter-Guy, (who’s face we shadowed in the above pic), when there are 8 people that want 1 item or to pay for gas, and you KNOW Mr. Lottery-Numbers-Picking-Guy, who is used to putting on his underwear correctly ONLY by knowing that the yellow stains go in the front and the brown stains go in the back, wants to spend time picking numbers, MOVE THE OTHER PEOPLE THRU THE LINE FIRST!!!

All that WE know is, we would like our stop at the CONVENIENCE STORE to be CONVENIENT, Ya Jagoffs!

 

Please be sure to SHARE this post below… we are almost at 2500 Facebook followers which means some kind of party!!!! 

 

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By Jagoff Catcher • Lottery Jagoffs • 2

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