Those Standing People on Airplanes

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I am one of the most impatient people in the world. Just ask the guy sitting in front of me at any red light who doesn’t hit the gas pedal within .0001871 seconds of the light changing to green.

But, for the life of me, I don’t understand the concept of, after a plane lands, as soon as the seatbelt light goes off, these people have to stand….even in the back rows, people get up DESPITE the fact that the airplane door has not yet opened and there’s no place to go.

People stand up, look around, bump into the other impatient people that stood up and have to look for their bag in the overhead compartment 3 rows back, or worse yet, just stand there in some contorted position.

Well, today, I was fortunate enough to have an aisle seat so that when this guy in row 28 got up to get his bag, which was above my head, I got a chance to see this. And not only did I see it…he took so long to get his suitcase, I actually had time to lock and load my phone and snap a picture.

So to “Tragic Mike” the airline stripper thanks for the show.  Sorry I was out of dollar bills. I hope the Chucky Cheese tokens that I dropped in there help “the cause.”

And to everyone else who thinks they are going to get off of the plane faster by getting up and standing in the aisle before the airplane door gets opened, sit the hell down and relax for 2.1881 minutes, Ya Jagoffs!

Yakkin With Ya Jagoff – Billy Gardell and John Knight

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We are yakkin’ with Billy Gardell, star of Mike and Molly and Pittsburgh Comedian John Knight.

It’s like a Dr. Phil session when Billy says John didn’t think he was funny, then John admits to throwing gum and spitballs at me in high school.

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SPECIAL THANKS TO:

For the production!

See John Knight perform November 21st

(Click the pic for details)

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8-Year Old Drives Drunk Dad Home

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This is another one of those, “WHAT MAKES SOMEONE THINK THIS IS OK” posts!!!!  Apparently this lady has the only PA Drivers Guide with a typo in it!

You can click here for the TribLive version of the story but the summary is:

*  Frank allegedly assesses that he has had too much to drink.

*  He then ALLEGEDLY rationalizes to himself that it’s PERFECTLY FINE to let his 8-year-old son jump in the car and help daddy out by driving the car and daddy home. (HECK, she drives the Kennywood Park Turnpike ride like a CHAMP!)

*  The end result was NOT the optimum result but PROBABLY the EXPECTED result – some damage to the family truckster, an emotionally traumatized little boy and dad proving why adults should need a license to take care of kids (smile for the mugshot daddy!)

Franky – let’s think of a few alternatives to your decision that you might have made:

1)  Find another licensed driver to drive you home

2)  Wait for the other driver while you even enjoy another drink

3)   Go the next day and pick up your car at the VFW …with another licensed driver.

4)   Take a series of selfies of yourself giving noogies to other bar patrons.  I guarantee someone would have found you a way home!

We can just see it now when the boy is 16, “Hey dad, remember that one time when….uhm….. NEVER MIND!”  And then there’s ten more years of “Mommy, can I go with dad to….uhm .. NEVER MIND!” And you can just hear her at Kennywood Park, “Whaddaya mean I’m NOT tall enough to ride the bumper cars, I did this FOR REAL, buster!”

Franky, if by any chance you are a dump truck driver, helicopter pilot or a bulldozer or crane operator, PLEASE stay home on “Take Your Child To Work” Day, YA JAGOFF!