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This story comes from the “What in THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE hell was he thinking” file!
71-year-old Frank Zahler ALLEGEDLY walked into the South Hills Village Mall carrying a heavy briefcase and a gym bag. So far so good! But his visit to the mall goes to hell-in-a-handbasket when Frankie chooses to joke around about the fact that he has bomb stuff in his briefcase, just like the stuff in Boston. See….you just said it to YOURSELF… ”What in THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE hell ?”
And when interviewed by the news people he says, “It’s crazy. I didn’t have anything. I was making a joke with the kid. These kids are whacky man, you know. What can you do with them? That’s America today. In my day, we would have laughed it off..”
OK.. maybe your day things WERE different.. but Frankie, Frankie, FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFrankeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…. do you read ANY newspapers? Watch any news on TV? Listen to the AM channel of your transistor pocket radio or have you overheard any conversations from your fellow mall-walkers having coffee in the food court?
Sure in your day it was fun to Super Glue a quarter to the side walk and watch people try to pick it up. Quarters are almost irrelevant at this point. And back then it was fun to take the apple pie off of the neighbor’s window sill and eat it out by the picket fence. Now we have McDonald’s Apple Pies. Back then, it was also fun to pull a kid’s underwear up their back, giving them a wedgie and embarrassing them by letting everyone see their underwear hanging out… NOW they let their underwear hang out on purpose…NOTHING’S THE SAME!!
But I’m PRIT-TEEE sure that joking about having a bomb was NEVER laughed off.
Frankie… good luck in the the County Jail buddy. One thing to NOT joke about there is your expert-level experience at packing fudge for the Sarris Candy plant!!!!!!!!
And here’s another tip, if you ever board an airplane and see one of your morning-McDonald’s-bottomless-coffee-drinking-buddies, named JACK, sitting in the back of the plane, it will not be funny to say, “HI JACK,” Ya Jagoff!!!!!
So not quite Pittsburgh, BUT, this story, out of Brookville, PA, has made embarrassing national headlines and, therefore, makes it to HERE!
Here are the details:
Some under aged drinkers were refused service at Bill’s Bar in Brookville.
They chose to NOT go about there merry way.
They decided to do a drive-by groundhog carcass toss.. throwing the dead rodent into the bar and then driving off.
It didn’t stop there. Four hours later, they chose to do a SECOND drive-by carcass toss.. the second time throwing a dead grouse into the bar and then driving off.
WOW!! Lotsa things to pull THESE guys to the front of the Jagoff pack!
1) Given the size of the Brookville metropolis, (less than 4,000), how likely was it going to be that someone recognized these guys or the truck involved?
2) They eventually did go to another bar, drank illegally, and then DROVE a couple of times to the first bar to harass them.
2) Instead of walking away with their heads down and going to get a Yoo-hoo after the bartender NOT turning them in for trying to commit a single crime, they went ahead and drank underage, drove, harassed the first bar and are being investigated by the Game Commission too!!!
Hey, when did the protocol of finding the town drunk, getting HIM to purchase your alcohol for you, trading him one of your beers as payment for his services, so that you could then go to the local playground and UNDER-AGEDLY drink, get lost? These guys think they deserve a spot at a bar!!!
Boys, your decision making is lacking but we DO think you might have a chance at leveraging this into your very own restaurant once you’re done with your jail time or community service. We suggest you open the “Brookville Road Kill Cafeterium.” Your menu could include:
Entrees.
** Center Line Bovine **
Tastes Real Good, Straight From The Hood ............ $ 5.99
( with cheese, add .50 )
** The Chicken That Didn't Cross The Road **
What A Dumb Cluck ................................... $ 3.49
( includes soup and salad )
** Flat Cat **
( served as a single or in a stack )
Single Flat Cat ..................................... $ 1.99
Double Flat Cat ..................................... $ 2.79
Flat Cat Stack ...................................... $ 4.99
Flat Cat Family Pack (with kittens).................. $ 9.00
And just to stay with your Bonny and Clyde or Clyde, Clyde and Clyde, criminal theme, your slogan could be “Eating Food Is More Fun When You Know It Was Hit AND TOSSED On The Run,” Ya Jagoffs!!
Every Saturday this spot is dedicated to things overheard on one of the Port Authority buses of Allegheny County. Thanks to the AWESOME Michael Nac, creator of QUOTES ON THE BUS for his posts each week!
“I got $10 to buy me a pack of smokes and a Mickey’s 40. You ain’t getting my fare today. I’m a roofer!” Rider to driver, Blue Line
Follow Quotes on the Bus on Facebook HERE and/or Twitter HERE
If you want to contribute your own quote overheard on a bus, send to michaelcnac@gmail.com
I posted a preemptive strike of this cat the other day on Facebook and Twitter when flying back home to Pittsburgh. But just had to give the details.
If you have ever traveled on a plane, you know this person or his com-padres!
They just finished their big business meeting, they are headed home and just have to get the details of their meeting to the boss or partner. So they get on the phone while waiting for the airplane to fill up and taxi. They need to get every second out of their ground time and therefore, they yak and yak and yak on their phone while the plane loads. Now all of us know how the meeting went!
The best part about this guy was, his attitude. First, he had both headphones in his ears. Have you ever sung with headphones on????? Yep, you got it… LOUD and AWFUL!!!
Everyone’s looking at the guy… as he continues to talk as he moves his nicely folded sport coat around in one of the overhead compartments so that someone doesn’t wrinkle it with their suit case. The conversation continues without a missed beat.
Then, as the flight attendant gets on the speaker to make announcements about preparing the cabin, storing your bags, etc… it is apparently disturbing to him so he speaks EVEN LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was the breaking point… I leaned forward, tapped him on the shoulder and told him he was really loud. He looked at me like I had, not 2, but 9 heads!! But he did carry on his conversation in softer tone.
Thankfully we were ready to close the cabin door and turn off all electronic devices because nobody was able to capture a picture of me being passed over the heads of all the other passengers, mosh pit style, in a “we’re glad you shut him up” celebration!!!
Hey Mr. I’m Important On A Plane….. next time you’re updating the boss on your numbers, we suggest you invest in one of the “Get Smart” Cone of Silence devices or, better yet, take your conversation to a far corner and, once the plane boards, let the person on the other end of the phone call know you will call them back AFTER YOU GET OFF THE AIRPLANE THAT IS FULL OF PEOPLE THAT DON’T WANT TO KNOW YOUR CONVERSATION. What did you do before cell phones, Ya Jagoff?
