Don’t Know Why, But This Bothers Me

YJ-Shorkey

I listen to the local radio allot. Some times I get crazy and turn up the bass, roll the windows down, lean into the center and blast a good AM radio talk show.  Basically,  I ain’t paying to listen to all the credit card  debt commercials on satellite radio!

Anyway, I hear the Jim Shorkey and Katie Shorkey auto dealership commercials.   The commercials are standard stuff, a caffiene-loaded announcer gets on and says “WOW-WIZBANG-WOW” kind of stuff and then asks about the weekly “Outta-this-world-No-other-dealership-could-be-less” kind of deals that are goin’ on.

Enter Jim and Katie Shorkey – ON THE PHONE!!!!

Whaaaaat?  You pay thousands of dollars for air-time, another thousand for professional voice and then I have to listen to you tell me about great deals over the PHONE????  At home, do ya record your favorite MP3 files over to cassette tapes before ya jam???

Shorkey’s, yer a great family in the area and we appreciate what you do in the community.  I offer one VERY UNIQUE MARKETING CONCEPT.

You sell cars.  So how about jumpin’ into one of ‘em and driving to the studio to record yer commercials, YA JAGOFFS!

(Second choice – fire the JAGOFFS that tell you that this is good marketing for your company!!  And please don’t hire the ones that tell ya its a good idea to YELL!)

Am I being to picky here???  Let me know if I’m the Jagoff below.

The Gas Pump Clicking-thingy

As Pittsburghers, we expect a few basic things out of life:

1) Hot water in the shower every morning

2) Morning traffic reports “on the fours” and “weather on the 10′s”

3) Mr. McFeely will ALWAYS look the same

4) A minimum number of Mon-wharf flood warnings per year

One thing I would add to this list of things that we would LIKE TO TAKE FOR GRANTED… the clicking-thingy on the gas pump nozzle that lets ya  fill our tank WITH NO HANDS!

Seriously!!  It’s like waking up one morning and realizing that you suddenly don’t have a thumb and now you have nothing to sneak up  into the inside of your nostril to scrape out those dry night time “crusties.”

So I go to the local Sunoco.  I need a fill up. In the meantime, I need to make calls into the sports talk shows AND check twitter. But wait!  I have to mess around holding the stupid gas nozzle trigger… can’t dial, can’t sit in the car and talk.. gotta stand there and squeeze that thing for the entire 15.6 gallons (FYI the tank holds 16 gallons and YES..I do this so often that my gas tank light bulb is probably going to burn out some day.)

What kind of gas station is this?

Hey Sunoco, your gas station is SO high tech that the pump asks more questions than an CPA exam.  It has a car wash, a code reader to get a discount, a card-swiper to pay without going inside, a way to order a sandwich, blah, blah, blah…but no 20-cent piece of metal to hold the gas trigger? Forget about selling the next kind of scratch-off lottery ticket or 19 kinds of iced tea and Gatorade, get some clicking-thingies, Ya Jagoffs!

 

Don’t forget to click SHARE below… email, Facebook, Twitter.. we love an audience!!!!!!

So forward to all of your Pittsburgh friends and relatives! 

Meet the Regatta “Floating Parking Chair” Team

YJ-Regatta (432 x 432)

On July 4th, the “Floating Parking Chair” (#FloatingParkingChair on Twitter) embarked on it’s journey to win the Pittsburgh 3 Rivers Regatta “Anything That Floats Race.”  But before that voyage, which, some folks had reported that we had come in 7th out of 20-plus boats (unverified by Dewey, Cheatem, and How CPAs), there was lots of work and calisthenics.

(OK.. I lied about the calisthenics and kind of lied about the work).

When I put out a call for team members on the website, people responded quickly.

Vinny Ryan, a rookie out of Fresno State, came up with the Floating Parking Chair concept.  Unfortunately, “The Vin Man” never made it to the race because he had picket line duty.  But we made his dream and vision come true.

Vinny (450 x 600)

The Vin Man

Michael Pellas, downtown-dweller blogger (MichaelPellas.com) and Jason Davidson, both rookies out of Fresno State, were in as rowing power.

JunctionMan

Michael

Jason

Jason

 

We secretly gathered at Pittsburgh’s Salvage Artist Dave Calfo’s studios.

(See Dave’s REAL art at DavidCalfo.com)

Dave Calfo at secure location

Dave Calfo at secure location

WorkingOnChair (450 x 600)

Scott, Beth, Dave and the Most Interesting Man working on the chair

Michael V, a rookie out of Fresno State, was Dave’s only REAL helper on the REAL construction activities since I barely know what end of the hammer is the hammer-er-er.  I was scolded by Dave numerous times for my lack of “shop etiquette.”

Michael Vanalstine

Michael Vanalstine

We were confident the vessel was going to float since Dave levitated on it the one night.  Thanks to Alberto for capturing it with his iPhone specter detector app.

DaveLevitating

At one point, we made sure the parking chair had “proper parking chair qualities” by placing it front of a Lawrenceville home.

InFrontOfHouse (450 x 600)

Beth Wolfe, the Executive Director of the Pittsburgh Emergency Medicine Foundation, also out of Fresno State, posing with the chair since her and her man Scott (from Fresno State) did “the weave” of duct tape.

Beth (450 x 600)

George Dudash, Chief of Northwest EMS, a rookie out of Fresno State, decided to go all “Corporal Klinger” kind of crazy in order to get out of being on the boat the day of the race but he did supply us with those sexy life jackets that we aptly placed under our Jagoff t-shirts.

George (450 x 600)

Amanda Narcisi, a rookie out of Fresno State, put the make-up on the pig by designing the chair signage.  You should follow Amanda’s online Pittsburgh publication, Bold Pittsburgh.

Amanda

The vessel was finally complete after 3,201 rolls of duct tape and Alberto Benzaquen… a Twitter Celebrity from IBelieveInPittsburgh.org … took a quick photo with it and then headed straight to a local chapel to light votive candles and pray to guardian of boats, St. Please Dont-LetMeSink, until 3am.

Alberto (450 x 600)

Eventually it was Game Day.  Time to show up to the river’s edge.  Attach the chair to the vessel and then work out.. I mean… eat donuts!

Donuts (450 x 600)

After some parking confusion thanks to none of the parking lots being open, our man Scott (blue hat) missed the boat… LITERALLY!  He got back from moving his truck just in time to see us launch but met us at the end. Not sure who got the hardest work-out, him running around the North Side or us rowing for what seemed to be 1,281 miles up hill  both ways!

AnderkoLarge

Photo by @BurghJay on Twitter

So we didn’t win but we didn’t sink or drown!  The photo above is very Lewis-and-Clark-ish.  It’s perfect.

No prize money for the  Pittsburgh Emergency Medicine Foundation on this outing but you can feel free to find out more about the organization or donate by going here.

Here’s how to follow people on twitter if you want.

@BWolfe510 Beth Wolfe

@SASPensFan Scott Smith

@TheJunctionMan Michael Pellas

@Mdvana Mike VanAlstine

@AlNarcisi Amanda Narcisi

@DaveCalfo Dave Calfo

Jason Davidson on Facebook

The Vin Man on Facebook

George Dudash on his 2002 flip phone