Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me”
By Comedian John Knight
Super Bowl Sunday and who cares? I mean outside of New England and Atlanta is there really any interest? Here in Pittsburgh, New England is probably more hated than even the Baltimore Ravens. That’s because they’re good. In fact if they win this week they will break some records held by the Steelers. We don’t like to see the records of our beloved Steelers broken and when a team does, we hate them.
Are you having a party? Are you going to a party? It’s become tradition. The Super Bowl is now the second highest day of food consumption in this country after Thanksgiving. It’s basically a national holiday. I just don’t think I will have much of an appetite during this one.
I’m trying to come up with one good reason why I should watch this game. Oh, I guess I could watch to see if my numbers come up in the block pool I’m in. I have the same numbers I get every year, 2 and 2. So I can hope that both teams score nothing but safeties in the first quarter. Or, that both teams score nothing but four field goals apiece in the first half.
What are the chances of both teams getting nothing but field goals for a whole half? I mean, unless the Steelers are playing, oh I don’t know, say the Steelers, the chances of that happening are slim.
A lot of people watch the game just for the commercials. Commercials are usually the time I use to zone out of what I’m watching. Maybe stare at my phone instead for a few minutes. Actually watching commercials leave you in danger of having one get stuck in your head.
This unfortunately happened to me recently with the “Hormel Pepperoni” one man band commercials. I mean they’re so stupid, but they’ve lodged themselves into my brain.
“Pep it up! Hormel Pepperoni.”
See, there it goes. It’s so annoying.
Yes, I will admit there have been some entertaining commercials that aired during the Super Bowl. Pigs flying, horses playing football, dogs separated at birth, all funny but I don’t remember what they were selling.
“Pep it up! Hormel Pepperoni.”
It just won’t stop.
Most of the commercials try to be humorous that air during the game. Of course there are a few that try to be emotional and tug at your heart strings. There was the one a couple of years ago when the homeless man got to stand on the sidelines during the game…Oh wait… that was just Belichick.
The cost to air a commercial during this game is five million dollars for a thirty second add. Only major corporations can afford that. This is too bad because some of the most entertaining commercials are the cheesy ads for crap that come on late at night.
We were watching the other night and an advertisement came on for a hand held air compressor that looks like a drill. They showed somebody hand pumping up a basketball and said,
“You know how exhausting hand pumping can be.”
If you get winded pumping up a basketball, you might want to lay off the chicken wings during the game.
The cost of the thing was two easy payments of $29.95 plus shipping and handling. My wife actually said,
“Maybe we should get one of those for when the tire pressure light comes on in our cars.”
Ok, that happens once or twice a year on each car. Air is free at most places. At most it’s 75 cents. So, say we spend between a buck and a half and three dollars a year on air. It would take almost thirty years for this thing to pay off. We didn’t order one.
Last night there was a commercial for “teeth veneers.” It showed people with missing, cracked or no front teeth at all.
“You know how expensive dental work can be.”
So for $14.99 you can get these “Perfect Smile” teeth and pop them in right in over the bad ones. Not only did these people look ridiculous, they had them speak.
“Thowbody canth thell thereth thot thine.”
“Yeah, Thobody canth thundrthand wath thor thaying theither.”
Now, you show me somebody eating pepperoni while playing accordion wearing those teeth.
Follow John on Twitter @jknight841