Man Steals Woman's Paycheck

Here’s a quote from the story on

“Jordan dropped the envelope, and as soon as she did, a man with a U.S. Marines logo on his face mask picked it up and stuck it in his back pocket.”

Are you kidding?  Here’s the cliff notes version of the WPXI story:

  • Debbie, an older woman, cashed her paycheck and put all $420 of it into an envelope
  • While waiting in a checkout line at a White Oak tobacco store, she dropped said  envelope. Even unknowingly stepped on it as per the store security video.
  • Guy in line behind her, sees the envelope, picks it up, DOESN’T say, “Hey friend, you dropped this!” Instead, he slides the envelope into his back pocket.
  • Store owner puts the video on Facebook and… BOOM!…guy figures it out that he’s on camera and turns himself in!

Hmmmm.. soooo relaxed as he slid that envelope into his back pants pocket. (Ya gotta watch the video.)Who DUZ that? No shame whatsoever with how he’s affecting another, human being, elderly at that!

As of JPT (Jagoff Press Time) the man.. if we can refer to him as a man.. turned himself in and we hear he turned the money in.

Hey Envelope Elvis with the smooth moves, what were you thinking? First, you saw the lady drop the envelope. Second, what store, ATM, street corner or front door door bell do you know of that doesn’t have somewhere between 2 and 357 security cameras installed? My Catholic guilt sensors tingled when I watched you slide that envelope in your pocket and I’m now a Protestant!

EE, (those actually are pretty cool initials) hoping that Debbie has a forgiveness bone or 2 in her body.  If she doesn’t, we hope that she gets to “pay” you back by having you stand in a pool of water, barefooted, with an invisible fence color on your neck. Then she gets to toss you dollar bills. If you pick them up, she presses the shock collar remote. If you DON’T pick them up, she presses the color remote TWICE! She gets to do this for 420 minutes.. a minute for every dollar you tried to take from her.

Not sure that any of that is actually legal but, seems like a light sentence for what you put Jordan through…. (get ready)… Ya Jagoff!

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