Johnstown man steals lingeriee Jagoff

So to get this blog post started, we thought: every awesome law-breaker had/has a cool nickname… BabyFace Nelson, Chicken Man, etc.  This guy deserves a name like Nipples Malone!

Nipples Malone was ALLEGEDLY caught on camera with a tank top full of items at WalMart. It just so happens that these items were ladies’ lingerie.  Hmmmm…wonder if it is anything that reveals nipples. Maybe that’s his thing?

See story on WJAC-TV site. (yeah we realize that this is Johnstown and not Western Pa but this pic and story was too good)

But the awesome thing is, Nips, as his friends call him for short, gets categorized into our dumb criminal category. First, what person in this world doesn’t realize that a place like WalMart has 2,309 security cameras per every 12 feet?  And, what criminal wears a “hey please notice me” pink shirt when they are allegedly looking to grab a few thing for the lil’ lady at home without paying for them?

I mean… a Pens jersey right now probably isn’t good but we all know that a Steelers jersey is good ANY DAY OF THE WEEK to help you blend in within at least a third of the Western Pa population.

Hey Nips…bummer that you’re not gonna see the lil’ lady in that sexy clothing so here’s our tip: Ya know how high-end bank robbers hide their loot in a tree for when they get outta jail?  Do that! Shove those g-strings and lacey bras into an old hickory tree.  Then, since that camera at WalMart is pretty good resolution, when you get outta jail, you and your girl can don the attire, you with your pink nip shirt, and go to WalMart to get a sexy pic taken!

You’d both probably fit right in … as long as ya don’t ALLEGEDLY steal anything … YaJagoff!

 

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