Dear Pittsburgh Penguins.
We are all kind of at our wits end. The Pirates.. well.. you know. The Steelers are kind of practicing at Heinz Field but it all seems kind of off limits. We aren’t really allowed to go out anywhere for real and, on top of that, we all pretty much believed that the Montreal Canadians were a wet-blanket team that you guys were going to walk (skate) all over to get a great warm-up before you guys really hit the new playoff rounds.
But….this little pre-playoff season has kind of taken a hard Pittsburgh left.. not any left, like someone from outta town taken a Pittsburgh left .. off of Mount Washington and falling down to Carson Street.
Even more, today is the day that the Canadians could .. (not being a debbie-downer just preparing) knock us outta the bubbled-playoffs and this is Sid Crosby’s birthday! That seems very sacrilegious…I mean like Tell-Toni-At-Primanti’s-To-Her-Face-That-You-Don’t-Like-Fries-OR-Tomatoes-On-Your-Primanti-Sandwich level of sacrilegious.
Not saying you guys look unmotivated but, a 15-year old, 20-lb cat gets more excited about its owner coming home than you guys have looked playing these games. Note for the non-cat-familiar.. cats have zero motivation to welcome their owners home!
Ok..Pens…you’re about to be eliminated in the preliminary round of the pandemic playoffs, you’ve been locked up in a bubble away from your friends, family and random-public-sighting-selfie-taking fans for weeks that will all be for NOT if you lose today and losing on Sid’s bday is probably going to spoil the Pin The Tail on The Flyer game tonight soooooooooooooooooo for crissakes.. get motivated and let’s GO.. like really.. LET’S GO.. Pens…. Ya Jagoffs! (meant as the term of endearment…hey-we’re-all-in-this-together version)