YaJagoff Blog Tanner the Dog

Today’s blog post written by Tanner, the Rennebeck’s family dog who lives in Ross Township.

Yesterday, I heard some bad news. So I asked John and my dog mom, Rachael, if I could write today’s blog post. The problem: the Ross Township commissioners say there are too many deer.. like the ones in my back yard every day.

FYI, you KNOW for sure that I am writing this blog myself because, had a human written it in a dog voice, there would be a ton of paltry, patronizing “AARF, AARF” and “RUFF, RUFF” inserts in between words!

Here’s the deal…yesterday, I was laying on my bed, like most every day, and I overheard that the Ross Township commissioners and some residents want to lower the township deer population. Something about ruining plants, cars, etc… blah, blah, blah!

What is wrong with the deer?  Why are we getting rid of them? They are my friends!

Listen, I have made a concerted effort to subdue my God-given instincts of bringing home dead rabbits and squirrel heads when I actually get outside.  I haven’t chewed a shoe or a TV remote in forever and I haven’t pooped in the house in.. I don’t know HOW long.  I pretty much sleep all day, other than being let out to pee and poop a couple of times.

I look out my window every day and bark at those deer. Sometimes I even run around inside the house as if I am going to chase them. They are like my very own tread mill or my Peleton Bike….my NETFLIX.. my Mrs. Maisel!

If you’re gonna take away my entertainment, I want some retribution.   Like maybe a steak or a 5-lb Kong full of crunchy, organic, farm-to-table, peanut butter, or, at the VERY least, someone going out to the back yard and cleaning up all of the well-preserved fall and winter poop, Ya Jagoffs!

Author’s (Tanner) Note: By the way, social media and smartphone gaming is the downfall of the future civilization. I used to get regular butt and head scratches throughout the day. Now, I get people walking by me looking at their phones! I pretty much have to nose a crouch to get any attention these days.