Jagpff podcast halloween

Thought this was a treat trick.. (see what I did there?) but nope! Two adult mails were driving around Clairton taking Halloween candy from kids.  See news story on KDKA-TV.

Hmmmm… who does that? Can’t relax until we find out.

As usual, here at YaJagoff Media blog, we don’t recommend jail time when the perpetrators are caught (possibly in the drug store stealing insulin.)

We recommend rehabilitation where the kids get to REHAB the criminal …helping them to understand what it feels like to go through the mental and physical pain of being attacked. So, here’s OUR prescribed REHAB:

The kids get to take these idiots to a Subway Sandwich shop to stand behind a family of 29 while they are ordering custom sandwiches for each kid half of which don’t know what they want yet. Then, the perps (industry jargon ’cause we cool) have to hold 104, 44-oz bottles of Tide while they stand at the self-checkout line while 6,849  5 year-olds try to scan carts full of poorly labeled candy bars while being occasionally distracted by something from the junky-toy aisle.

As the perps become agitated by the wait in line, the oldest kid gets to activate an already-connected taser line (connected to their eyelids) every time they roll their eyes, complain, huff or gasp out of frustration over what is going on in front of him. But.. every time that they jump from the taser shock, the kids get to punch them in the nutz and, every time they bend over from being punched in the nutz, the kids get to hit them in the back of the head with a stick like a pinata full of even MORE candy.

And, after that, each of the kids’ parents get to kick the @#!% outta them… but only AFTER we’ve put a life-like Bob Nutting mask on the perpetrators.

OK.. maybe that’s a little rough of a punishment… maybe we should feel bad for them and go easy.. ..like slice the bottoms of their feet open and make them stand on piles of table salt… you’ll  both get yours eventually, Ya Jagoff!

 

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