While you were sleeping, I was …hmmmm… yelling at an Amazon dude on the phone. Well, not yelling, just telling him that their service sucks.

First, let me circle back and assure you that I know how many of you loooooooooooooooooooove Amazon.com. I understand the convenience thing. But, when the operation doesn’t follow the standard process, there’s no easy way to step outta the process to fix an issue with a human.

You never had a problem? I’m glad for ya. Why am I “the one” that gets the issue?

The sitch:

I received a package shipped to my address but to someone I don’t know’s name.

The next day, I received another package shipped to my address but to that same someone I don’t know’s name.

I asked the US Mail person in the hood if they could return it. Nope! Amazon didn’t deliver it to me via US Mail.

Last night, I signed in to my Amazon account.. which I use about 2 times a year… to look for a number or live chat method with which to communicate that I now have 2 packages that aren’t mine.

BTW, all of this is happening a month after I ordered an item. That item was delivered to me by my neighbor, from 4 houses away, because the Amazon delivery person didn’t play a Sesame Street matching game of matching the numbers on the label to the numbers on the house.

Back to the 2 packages at (in my) hand.

After 45-minutes of looking on line for a phone number or live chat function, I posted a rant on Facebook. Nice people respond with screen shots, instructions and additional thoughts as to why Amazon sucks.
(Thanks to all BTW, for the attempts to help!) One suggestion was to tweet Amazon as the fastest way to get a response!

Well… that SUCKS that one has to go that route but.. it worked.. kinda… Those folks sent me to a web page that I already had.. the one that forced me to choose from pick lists, to solve my problem. Are ya surprised that none of the pick lists had the option of, “I RECEIVED SOME CRAP THAT I DIDN’T ORDER AND WANT TO BE A NICE GUY AND NOT THROW THIS AWAY?”

Finally.. I got a number. I talked to a human. I told him how bad my experience has been and how much time I have wasted trying to do that right thing vs. tossing this @@#$@$% into the trash. He then proceeded to tell be about a survey that Amazon did about how customers wanted… blah, blah blah.

He wasted my time a little more. I told him that they suck because they are 0 for 3 in getting packages delivered correctly. He says, “when you look at a 1,000 packages, the numbers are in their favor.” I then explained to him that 0 for 3 is a statistic that means they have been wrong 100% in my last 3 experiences.

Ok.. this is long.. you’re falling asleep reading this like I am falling asleep writing it! Me and the amazon dude peace out but not before I give him a life lesson talk as if I am 98 years old.

End result. He looked up the package tracking numbers. Said it was their fault and that I could go ahead and… wait for it… open the packages and discard them or donate the contents. So now, after 3 hours, there I was tossing them into the garbage like I was afraid to do 2 days ago!

So.. Ms _____ _____. I am super sorry that you didn’t get your blue wig and exercise hand-wheel in a timely manner and that they are now in my trash as Amazon is re-issuing your order.

Amazon… over the last few years I have felt like an outsider for not catching the Amazon wave. Thanks for proving to me, over the last 3 package deliveries, that I am not necessarily missing anything by getting my stuff at a store. Oh and putting your phone number or a live chat function in an obvious spot on your customer service page so that I don’t have to go through more gyrations than the 2108 yoga asana champion to find it, Ya Jagoffs!!!

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