Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me”
Let’s jump right into the latest waste of time survey, poll, or study. Whatever you want to call it. This one supposedly determined the least and most dateable NFL fans. I don’t know where the poll was conducted or who participated. All I know is nobody asked me. Of course, I should mention that I no longer date. My wife put a halt on that years ago.
Sorry to say Steeler fans, but you weren’t voted most dateable. Where did you finish? Well, not in the top five. Don’t get upset about it until I tell you who the top five were. From first to fifth, in order, the most dateable fans root for…The Los Angeles Rams, Detroit Lions, Arizona Cardinals, Buffalo Bills and Los Angeles Chargers.
Did you notice a trend? Did you say?
“What a bunch of losers?”
There’s not a Super Bowl winner amongst them. Hell, Detroit has never even been to the Super Bowl unless they bought tickets. So, I guess what this study found is we like to date people with low self-esteem.
First of all, the Los Angeles Rams were the St. Louis Rams two years ago. Oh, they used to be the Los Angeles Rams before, but when they didn’t feel like they were getting what they needed from L.A., they ran off to St. Louis. Then, after they sucked everything they could out of St. Louis, they went crawling back to Los Angeles. Do you really want to get involved with that headache?
The Buffalo Bills went to four straight Super Bowls and lost them all. That’s like everything is going great while you’re dating and you know this is the one. So you set a wedding date, only to be stood up at the altar with your heart ripped out of your chest. Do you need that?
Oh, and the Los Angeles Chargers? They were the San Diego Chargers until a few months ago. Since the season hasn’t started yet, they really don’t exist. Do you really want to date an imaginary person? OK, so maybe you do.
I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. The Steeler fans were not voted least-dateable. That distinction would go to the New England fans. No argument here. I mean not only are they obnoxious, but have you seen them? These are some of the least attractive people on the planet. I think most Big Foot sightings were actually nothing more than a Patriots fan on a nature hike.
Next to last are the Dallas Cowboy fans. I can’t say this is based on looks because there are some nice looking women in Texas. I have no idea what the guys look like since they cover their heads with cowboy hats…not that I was checking them out, mind you. No, I think the main reason not to date a Cowboy’s fan is because people in Texas are dumb as dirt.
“Here we go Steelers, here we go!”
That’s right, the Steeler fans are third from the bottom. In fact, 24 percent of Ravens fans said they would rather go a year without sex than date a Steelers fan. I have news for you, if you’re a Raven’s fan, chances are pretty good you’ll be going a year without sex anyway.
So, that’s it for now. Come back next week when I give the results of my latest poll to determine if we have too many polls.
Follow John on Twitter @jknight841
Order his book by clicking the icon below.