Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me”

I was enjoying what will probably be the last eighty degree day of the year. Game seven of the historic World Series was that night. Baseball was still being played and great weather, then I walked into the mall. That’s when I got smacked in the face with the sounds of Christmas music. Seriously? Already? I mean my pumpkin has even wilted yet… Sorry, I came up with that line and had to work it in somehow.

Everything has to be rushed and pushed down our throats. I know, we set the clocks back this weekend and winter’s right around the corner. It’s just that it’s not right around the corner when I’m still wearing shorts and its eighty friggin degrees!

As you get older, the passage of time becomes more significant. It seems to go by faster…well, not if you’re on Greentree hill, trying to get through the tunnel. Why are we always in such a hurry?

The only good thing about the week ahead is that we will finally have this ugly election behind us. Well, maybe. We are on unprecedented grounds here. I can’t truly embrace either of these flawed candidates. It’s just a matter of picking between the two evils.

I’m noticing a lot of people are very angry about this election. Seems to be more anger on one side than the other. At my gym today, I had to listen to some buffoon spout off about how wonderful his candidate is and can’t believe how anybody could vote for the other person. I’m not saying which one he’s supporting, but he believes this person is going to go down as the greatest president ever. Ok, now you guessed it. Nobody is saying Hillary will go down as the greatest ever but it takes a special kind of stupid to say that about Trump.

People are disgusted, I realize that. Between corporations and the Government, the middle class has been getting screwed for a long time. People want to believe in something. Then along comes this monosyllabic orange clown telling them what they want to hear. He doesn’t confuse them with big words because…he doesn’t know any. Plus he’s a shiny bright color. It’s like magic.

Remember when we were kids and we all believed in Santa? A fat guy in a red suit that could fly around in a sleigh pulled by reindeer. Then one night a year, he went to every house in the world. Not only did he leave presents…at every house in the world, but he had time to sit down for milk and cookies…At every house in the world.

Then, he also had time to pass over every house four or five times until the kids were sleeping. You know you heard this from your parents,

“I think I just heard him fly over again. He probably won’t be coming here this year because you kids won’t go to bed.”

Of course he always showed up, left presents and had time for milk and cookies. Well, at my house we were told Santa liked peanuts and Iron City. Then he went to every house in the world. In one night. Half the time, when I’m flying home from performing on a cruise, I don’t even get home the same day.

But we believed it. Of course we were kids then. We know better now. We should anyhow. I know some of you really want to believe. I’m sorry I can’t. Maybe I’ve gotten too cynical as I’ve gotten older. It’s just that I’ve seen no proof that this man isn’t as big a fraud as any mall Santa. So good luck on election night and “God Bless Us Everyone.”

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