Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me”

By Comedian John Knight

Just had a voice mail on my cell phone telling me the IRS is suing me. Strange that it would be on my cell, since I use my home number for tax filings. Also, from the way the guy sounded, the IRS has now moved their operations to India. There you go, the government outsourcing yet more jobs.

That’s not what this is about anyway. Although, now I’m a little nervous about listing my home address in the Bahamas to avoid paying taxes. It works for corporations after all.

No, this is about, how can I say this? You live long enough and you expect the world to get less insane. But, that’s not going to happen. Last week both North Carolina and Mississippi passed laws banning transgendered people from using the bathroom of their choice.

You expect this from Mississippi, where they proudly flew the confederate flag over the capital until recently. Hell, I think they still fly it when nobody’s looking. North Carolina however, should know better.

It shouldn’t have even been an issue. Nobody was paying attention to what bathroom they used before. Now you’re telling them where they can’t go and now it is a topic of debate. Bruce Springsteen canceled a concert in North Carolina and corporations are banning travel to and canceling events in these states.

Then it blew up all over social media. Every idiot had to voice their opinion on the matter. It’s been hard enough to take during the most insane presidential campaign of all time. What do these people think they’re going to accomplish anyway? Do they believe somebody will say,

“You know, I believed a certain way my whole life but after reading your post, I realized how wrong I was for all those years.”

I have to say, when I go into the restroom, it’s for a specific purpose. I’m really not paying attention to who else is in there with me. Every time I fly out of Belize, the cleaning woman is in the men’s room. She’s in there even when she’s not cleaning. She has a chair in there, it’s like her office. Yeah, you would think the women’s room would be more appropriate and I’ve tried to discuss it with her, but no comprende’.

Nobody in either state has said how they intend to enforce these laws. Let me just say that if I want to get in somewhere, I draw the line at “Pulling Out” my identification. You can see my driver’s license or passport, but that’s where it ends.

Charlotte airport already has bathroom attendants. Which is kind of a racket anyway. People get off a four hour flight and need to empty their bladder and you’re hitting them up for a tip. Next thing you know they’ll be using these attendants for security. Just remember guys, you stick your head in where it doesn’t belong, I’m probably not flipping a dollar into your jar.

Can you imagine trying to enforce this at Steeler games?…Ok, bad example. I think we can all picture that men’s room line. A bunch of vintage “Joe Greene” and “Jack Lambert” shirts and “Little Tony” is getting some air. Most guys probably wouldn’t even put it away once they got back to their seat. You know, in case they needed to make a fast dash during a timeout.

This is something that really shouldn’t have been an issue but now it is. There’s always something during presidential election years to keep your eyes off the truth. The fact is both parties suck and you’re wrong either way. Anyway, I have to go. “Little Johnny” needs some air.

Follow John on Twitter @jknight841

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